if i could (1)

ive written and deleted, drew and threw
all the words in my head turn to white noises
i cant explain the thoughts in my head
the words they say, the screams they make
my only power is to pretend its okay
if acting is my forte then its that easy

i could lie, i could smile and i could run away
not a sign could match to why im not okay
because everyone will assume
but no one is aware enough to know

they scream about being woke
but not enough to see the hurting souls
its their world im living in
maybe thats why i feel strange
and they make me rage

i screamed once or twice
and cried as I tried
to feel something more than sad
but the voices they reminded me
of what i can never be

since the beginning of time
to the end of my time
i will remain as i am,
an untold story,
a friend,
a sister,
a daughter,
and a stranger.

thats all i can ever be
in this world of endless possibilities
that only holds within souls that aren’t sick

apologies, i can only ever pretend for so long
till im finish with this chapter
and the end comes for me