THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ENTRY INTO MY DIARY SERIES BUT IT MADE NO SENSE

It's the end of another day, another night, the end of another week and I'm here again as usual.

Alone within these four walls, and within this tighter impenetrable prison I had built myself, I can't keep my thoughts straight.
I've deleted almost all my outlets so this has to be my only vent.

I see sleep at the far corner whirling her waist sexy as ever, she would look good on me but I don't waste my time calling her - she'd never come, we both know that.
I try hard not to think of myself, I'm scared of the person I see when I stare at the mirror, the damage that has been done to my poor soul; I don't deserve this, I don't deserve me!

They say the best place to be is in a woman's heart -
who said???? I just said!

I totally agree! (With myself), maybe it's because the woman let her heart lead, she doesn't try to be overly smart (even though she clearly is) and over analytical reading senseless meanings to everything (even though she does this a lot), or maybe it's because she doesn't get carried away by and lost in the rat race of ego and power struggle that we men drown ourselves in (even though she's the Chief architect and umpire). She just listens to her heart, the heart speaks and the rest of her follows. You're in there, you're in everywhere.

But then we were never told what to do when we successfully become kings of hearts. Nobody has ever shown us so much love, save for our mothers whose love we didn't have to earn, in whose heart our place is eternally reserved even after all the prodigal years, she loves us in rags and filth.
Besides her, no one else has ever put us first, we have never known what it means to be loved and don't know how to remain in hearts.
i wonder if she will wait for me, even her needs some waiting for, I hope we wait for each other

I've read severally from different places that although the presence of breath might be a sign of life, it's not a proof of living, I've realized that - I'm not living life!

i'm so sorry for wasting your time, you must be disappointed reading till the end just to find out it's just a shitty meaningless post by a shitty black boy