I need opinions and will be much appreciated
Any opinions are much appreciated. I’m following a timeline I’ve created for this, but am concerned it may read too boring, and/or info-dumpy. I’m open to criticism and will not get offended at all. Thanks in advance.
**
Chapter 1
"Why do all the people look at you like that?" I ask as mama pushes the cart down the aisle, either unaware or unconcerned with how mad everyone seems.
I study her but can't find any reason for their anger. Mama is an angel. Her hair is long and golden. Her eyes are as blue as the sky, and her skin is always glowing. Not only that, but mama always smiles. "Why are they angry?"
Mama's arm stretches out to link around my shoulders and pulls me into her side. "Don't worry about them, hon. They're bored. You just focus on what kind of ice cream we should get."
My attention turns immediately, and I hurry towards the freezer section. "Chocolate!" I call over my shoulder, then smile at the sound of mama's bell-like laughter echoing out behind me.
**
"Joy! Wake up!"
I crack my eyes open a fraction but immediately regret the decision. My head aches, my body burns, and I'm strangely wet. I try again, and Kyle's worried face greets me.
"Why are you asleep outside... next to a hole? Does it have to do with this?" He holds up my empty vodka bottle and lifts an eyebrow.
"Help me up," I grumble instead of answering. "And leave the hole alone. I'm making something."
"Making something? Since when the hell do you make shit?" Kyle lifts me, none too gently, and plops me down onto my feet.
"Since now," I huff. "I need a shower."
"Damn straight you do. Good lord, Joy. Is that... vomit?"
"Maybe." I shrug and clutch my forehead. "Let's Just go inside."
Kyle grabs me, if in a distant sort of way, and begins half helping me into the trailer.
The moment we're inside, he releases me and heads towards the living room.
After a quick shower, I follow suit and find him already sat on the couch, right at home, waiting expectantly with one leg crossed over the other and his food tapping incessantly. "So..."
I flop down beside him and turn, letting my eyes roam over his coppery hair, his angular features, the bow of his mouth, both preparing and stalling the blow I was about to deliver. "It's gone, Kyle."
He tilts his head. "What's gone?"
"The money. All of it. It's gone." I hold my breath. This would hit him just as hard as it did me. Kyle and I had been planning for years, to get away, to leave this town. People hate me because I'm a whore, and they hate him for being gay. This is why we'd always been best friends. After mama left...
"What do you mean?" He sits up and stares at me, eyes wide and jaw clenched.
"A John, a new one, he took it." My voice shakes as the memory resurfaces. Rough hands and hateful words. Bile begins to rise into my throat, and I swallow convulsively to keep it down. I need another shower.
Kyle notices. "Joy?" He pulls me into him, as if he can protect me from something that had already happened. "What happened?"
"It doesn't matter." I clear my throat. "It's gone. I've given up. No more men, Kyle. I can't anymore. No more Johns."
Kyle stares at me for a moment, then slowly nods his head. "Good. No more Johns. I've got us. Don't worry, Joy."
I don't argue. Kyle couldn't help me. I'd drag him down, just like I'd been doing for years. If it wasn't for me, he'd have been out of here ages ago. He's been waiting for me, I know it. "Maybe you should just go..."
His hard look makes my mouth clamp back shut. I should have expected it. I had expected it. Kyle would never leave... at least not as long as I still lingered here to stop him. My thoughts drift to the small hole I began the night before. How long would it take me to get six feet down?
"Okay! You need cheering up." Kyle simultaneously pulls me into his side and grabs the remote. "Detective shows. We need to prepare you, and those always seem to cheer you up."
I can't fight the smirk that lifts my lips. "You hate them."
"I do. They creep me the fuck out, but you like them, and you're gonna be a detective right? Once we move away. You're gonna use that crazy eye trick you do, like your mom always did. You're gonna read them without even asking a question. Like a true boss."
I throw a hand over his mouth to stop him. "Just watch the show."
Kyle licks my palm, then smirks at the disgusted look I give him and settles me back against his chest. "We're gonna watch this shit all day. If any Johns come knocking, I'll run them off. You just sit here and don't worry about anything. Kyle is gonna fix all of this."
I don't respond, and thankfully Kyle doesn't seem to need one. We sit in silence, him casually bearing my favorite programs, while I stare blankly, lost in my own thoughts.
At first, all I can think about is the money I lost, but after a while, my mind drifts further into what this really means for me.
For starters, I'm never going to be a detective. All those years, all the planning, mama's encouraging words... gone.
Mama had a way of reading people. Each of her John's- or as she called them, clients. Mama could read any man or woman from a mile away, and she taught me how to do the same. First, it was how to spot a liar, then each day something new. Now, like her, I can read anyone. Mama said I could use it, when I left, the way she always planned for me to.
Tears prick at my eyes, and I rapidly blink to hold them at bay. All that, all those years, and she just leaves. Up and leaves me here alone, all for a man, a John. What did she think I would do? I had to make money. I had to eat. Still, I saved. I planned, and, deep down, I still wanted to make her proud, to get away and make a new life for us.
I shake my head to dispel the thoughts. Dreams. That's all they ever were, and now they're dead.
As if sensing my distress, Kyle pulls me closer and begins lightly caressing my arm. I sigh and snuggle closer as my eyelids droop shut. It will break his heart when I'm gone, but I selfishly don't care anymore.
He'll be better off without me.
And I'll be better off without this world.