'Return' .. A Memoir .. Independence Day 2018 .. Israel's 70th Birthday ..
Woke up upside down today, to the sound of a man - one of my neighbours- instigating a tug of war over loud speakers, to the delight of the children of the kibbutz where I live.
There's a party going on on the village green, just behind the caravan where I stay as a squatter on kibbutz land. To some, I'm a part of the community, to others- a problem to be solved.
Theyre celebrating the 70th Birthday of the State of Israel. The Jewish State. I'm in a bad mood. Didn't sleep well at all last night. My life is a mess and on top of that, my teeth are falling apart, causing me almost constant pain. Especially when I don't get enough sleep. My dentist has no sympathy. She's from Russia where Life is suffering. If you're not suffering, you're not really living, she would say, if she spoke go me, which she doesn't, not being one for small talk.
I'm facing imminent eviction from this place to make way for a smart new neighbourhood of houses for Jews looking to escape the crowds and rising prices of life in the center of the country.
Now the sound of a man playing a rousing rendition if some famous Zionist folk song is blasting out. Everyone's singing along. I recognise the singer as one of the people who'll be building their house on this plot. He's a friend of mine, though sometimes his wild exuberant ways can get a bit too much for me.
'Ani ve'ata, neshane et haolam..' he's singing.. 'Me and you will change the world...'
Now another song. Someone else I don't recognise. Words I can't make out. A stirring, sad melody, full of hope, sorrow and pride, like most of these old songs.
The April Galilee sun is scorching, dry. My head hurts and I'm all alone. I can't stand this day. Flag waving, national pride don't come naturally to me, an Englishman, far from home. Not that I could ever go back now.
Ten years ago I arrived here, on Israel's 60th birthday, which was also a cause for national celebration. (Not my arrival - that went fairly unnoticed).. 'Israel 60' is still painted in huge blue and white letters, adorned with festive painted ribbons, on the outside of the high, grey walls of the big, high security prison in the Yisrael valley. Someone's idea of a joke perhaps, or maybe no one gets the irony of it.
Gaza is on fire. Guitars strum in the midday heat to the rhythm of djembe drums. Everyone is singing along now. I drink my coffee, bunkered down in the shade of this caravan. My temporary shelter, soon to be torn down.
The extra room I built here, my home for the last three winters is already in pieces. A pile of old salvaged windows and doors, planks of wood, a box of screws, a white tarpaulin.
Children are playing happily outside on the well watered grass outside. Syria is on fire. Birds are singing in the trees.
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I wish I had more to say. All I have is that I see you, and I hear you, including the dental trauma, though lucky for me my dentist is Belizean born of Indian heritage, so there's a lot more compassion on that front. All we can do is envision the turning of the tides. I trust you will find a safe place to land.
Thanks solar. I really appreciate all your support towards me and my writing. I do feel very lucky and privileged still, thankful for all that's good in my life and mainly optimistic about the future.
Mainly I use steemit as a notebook left open. I've got notebooks left all over the place, full of started and unfinished stories.. here on steemit at least they won't get lost.. one day maybe I'll return and weave all the pieces together. This is part of something I've been thinking of working on for a while.. a sort of memoir, looking at the role Israel has played in my life, how I ended up here, and how my separation from my wife has parallels with the israel palestine conflict.. and what lessons can be learned about peace.. etc..
Yeah, kind of an ambitious project. One page at a time I guess.
You're most welcome. I really enjoy your writing and make a point of checking in on your page. It's good to be grateful for sure, but also important to speak up when things are challenging. So many just stuff it away, so good on you. Of course a little humor always helps.
Have you ever read Doris Lessing The Golden Notebook? She has loads of notebooks in her life for all these different aspects, so the story is about her Golden Notebook where she attempts to put herself together. It's incredibly good. That's really heartbreaking that your separation from your wife feels anything remotely like that kind of conflict. I would love to read that memoir. I would absolutely buy that book. I'm sure it will come out when it's the right time.
Sorry you are in a rough place right now! You write well, I was in the caravan next to you.
At least that can move with you, so it is not a total loss. If I considered moving anywhere, Israel would be close to the top of my list; not from shared genetics, but due to a kindred spirits.
I hope you find your perfect location for your caravan, and make it your Home!