MARRIAGE IS IT WORTH THE WAIT?

I had a long distance relationship while i was studying which everything was worked out by both families and there was no mutual connection, i was impatient, i wanted to become a mother so quickly and live the happy life i read in novels and watch in movies, funny.

7 years ago i walked down the isle a very unhappy bride. I was young, naive, foolish and scared of hurting everyone's feeling. I was worried so much about everyone else but me, was scared of what everyone else would say to my mum if i canceled the wedding, was scared of what the church would say to my family members, what my friends and his friends would say, finally what his family would do or say.

So like a puppet and a lamb to slaughter I walked down the isle. My employed makeup artist had to do so much work on my face to make it beautiful on the wedding day because I cried constantly on the engagement day even throughout the night

Oh i was sad, broken and empty, i tried to frame happiness everytime but i couldn't. At a certain point i kept muttering to myself in encouragement “ you can do this, you are young and kind, you can make anyone love you, you can change anyone to be better ". How silly because i was naive and foolish.

After 4 months in the marriage i knew i couldn't do anything. All i could do was my part which was the best and focused on God to complete the rest. Oh i was alone and empty, it was the loneliest period of my entire life. I was restricted from having friends, go out or do anything meaningful with my life.

There was no fun because he believes its a sign of immaturity, less appliances and gadgets because it encourages laziness, no cable because he believes it would be wastage of money, so basically there was no television.
All i had in my possession was my bible and books. (chuckles) in 6years am sure must have read about 200 books and written over 300 articles.

I was like a robot, just expected to wake up very early everyday to do the cookings ( i cook twice a day because he doesn't eat stale foods), house chores, lay still like a log whenever he wants to have s*x or whenever he's in the mood at night he pounces on you while you're alseep and you must be mute like a dumb person while every decision is made around you.

Whatever his mum wants you at her home,, you must pack your bags without complain and go to the park to endure 4 hours journey without a single word. All that soon became normal until almost a year and six months later and there was no pregnancy.

Then the constant calls started from all family members, i am now expected to explain what's wrong with my body, explain my ovulation and period, explain every temperature and headache.
Whenever we go on a visit for thr holidays, i stay indoors which was his family's idea so people won't know am not pregnant yet. And i am left alone in the entire house whenever everyone goes visiting.

Every decision was made on my behalf even without my consent, his family decided which gynecologist i must see, how it must be their choice location so i had to travel 5 hours journey 3 to 4 times a month by road to see their recommended specialist, where i was probed and poked constantly.

Oh the constant pains and suffering, the bleedings, the endless injections and drugs messed up my hormonal balance and cycle. I had no one to pour out my heart to because in their family you are expected to take things as they come and refrain from including outsiders, yet after all the pains i did still return home to a man who saw nothing but making me a slave and sex tool.

Eventually as time goes on the many drugs and injection messed up my weight, funny i was gaining weight but I wasn't eating, all my clothes no longer fit in with my body and i was left with 3 or 4 clothes which i had to rotate every Sunday. I was like a mad slave, my skin was so dry and black, i carried my dreaded hair for over 12 months without re locking.

The annoying part was the church we attended which was in hall located in a big renowned hotel, you can imagine the calibre of people there.
Worst was that nobody ever talked to anyone except you are been talked to, popular or rich, Infact nobody ever talked to me to know what was going on. They just go around me while they chatted with him, i was like a shadow.

Then gradually i began to lose my mind, depression and thinkings set in. Everytime the food i cook will burn with smoke all over the house while i would be in the dinning room lost in thoughts not until i needed my inhaler and began choking before i realised i was cooking, gosh it was a living Hell.

And a year later we found out through another of his family recommended specialist that i wasn't the problem, he was the problem all along because he had low sperm count. It was the first time in a long time i felt joy...... Amazing
(chuckles) Everyday i got to dance and shake my bumbum in happiness whenever he'd gone to work.
I felt vindicated and for once i was out of blame and left alone. At least the endless injections, drugs and poking stopped, of course the abuse continued though.

His family ran everywhere for solution to his problems until they found out he had a child years back in school. Different ideas here and there from families finally brought the woman and her child to our home.. Finally i got the opportunity to move out to stay with my family.
Though i wasn't happy as i wanted to be but finally i felt peace, freedom and i could move on.
If i had known i would have been patient.

Never be in a hurry to walk down the isle, marriage is beautiful but it isn't a bed of roses,it has its bestdays and worse days, even roses have thorns (chuckles)... The greatest support you can ever have in marriage is your partner. If they ain't your partner during dating, marriage won't change them into one... The only thing that helps you overcome and have a happy marriage is God and the right partner...