Christmas is nearly here, and so are the enthusiastic window decorations...
Mum, my Sister and I have been driving past this enormous Buddha in the front yard of our holiday house street for a week now.
Each time we've driven past we've taken more of the eyesore in. I have absolutely nothing against Buddha, but this Buddha is disproportionately large to the house it sits in front of. It was its size we noticed first, then the contradictory Christmas lights draped all over it, and then I noticed the windows...I asked my mother and sister if they had looked past the giant Budah and noticed the somewhat enthusiastic Christmas decorations in the windows behind the giant structure?! No, they said, they had not.
On our return from our relatives house last night, my Sister asked mum to slow down to get a peek. In 'true Mum' subtlety, she stopped right in front of the house, in the middle of the road, almost like she was Chinese! Both of their jaws dropped.
It was incredible and unbelievable, completely obscene and totally creepy! (It was for all of YOU that I jumped out of the car (like a ninja) to get some photos, in what I would like to describe, in a very stealthy manner.)
It was dark, I was a bit scared, but I had to get photos... I wanted to write about it! I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard....this foreign voice "come in, come in..." it became instantly apparent that stealth had eluded me....busted, fuck did I feel a rush. It was a woman, thank god...she must have been in the bushes, in her front yard.
I had to go in....(For all of YOU, you understand! ) The old lady was saying "look around, come in"....I felt mildly like I had entered the home of a deranged serial killer! I kept saying "wow!! This is crazy, crazy, I can't believe it!! " Realising the filter on my mouth was yet again non-operational, I raised my hand in a high five kind of a way and said "its so crazy....crazy good", and attempted to slap her hand mid-air with enthusiasm... She said, "you think this is good? Wait until next year!!..." Unfortunately, I'm a crap high fiver, there was no time for lining elbows up to execute this move perfectly. We connected badly, and more honest "wrongness" fell out of my mouth! I wrapped it up with "oh my god I've got to go!! Mum's going to think some psycho's killed me, she waiting outside in the car!" I don't know if you know the feeling when you have said what you really think accidently, but it's not a comfortable feeling!
Truth be known, I was fearful that I may be chloroformed, killed, stuffed, dressed up and illuminated, then placed in her window like the others. So I dashed back out to my mother who was waiting with the car running. She was freaking out and said, "Kate, you could have been mugged, murdered or attacked or something!" ...
Look I am a fan of a few Christmas decorations and even a few lights, but this was.... Well, you've seen for yourself.... This took "festive" to a place I've never seen, or want to see again!!