I miss my dad...

Dad died 454 days ago.

He never talked about his cancer.
Come to think of it... He was never really sick.
But now he's gone, because pneumonia got the best of him.

I knew this day would come, but not like this. I wasn't ready. I'm haunted by my mom's voice on the phone. I just want to skip ahead to when this is all over with. Why? Dad was only 65. Fuck... Fuck.... Fuuuuuuuuckk!!!!

I'm upset because, I never really got to return the favor. Even if there is no favor to return... I just wanted to buy him some stuff... Get married and give him some grandkids... He sacrificed everything for his family, and at the end of it all, he doesn't exist anymore. Time moves on. Everything is just fine in the world even without him.

Where is the justice?! Who can I blame for this tragedy? I hate you whoever you are. I will never forgive you.

I miss my dad.
He comes in waves.
The way he laughs.
The way he quietly reads the newspaper on the couch on Sunday afternoon.
The way he dances around.
The way he looks at me when I can't explain to him what I want to do with my life.
The way he looks off into the distance back when we visited his hometown.

What a magnificent man.

I miss you 아빠.