The Forked IT Dictionary - I

(reborn)

Icon: Icons are small meaningless pictures that are displayed on a computer screen. Originally, PC users selected commands using descriptive words such as ‘new’, ‘save’, ‘copy’, etc. But programmers improved this by adding Icons as a new method of selecting these commands. It was way more intuitive. 

When it became obvious that nobody used the icons, programmers added a neat new feature: if the mouse pointer hovered over the icon then a little bubble would appear which gave you a word (new, save, copy, etc.) which explained what the icon did. Brilliant!

Identity Management: The art of switching between stolen identities before anyone catches on to what you’re doing.

Impact Analysis: Checking the PC to see if it works, after you’ve whacked it.

Information Engineering: The creation of technology marketing documents and web pages.

Integrity: Something that data might acquire, if developers had it.

Intelligent Design: The theory that God can achieve what the computer industry can only aspire to.

IT Analyst: A moutebank, a charlatan, a shameless pundit, whose opinions are bought and also sold throughout the world of IT.

IT Security Products: Computer products that are designed to powerfully and irreversibly bolt the stable door after the horse has fled.