Oh gosh, yes, well, it horrified me as I wrote it. It's one of those memories I don't often share (though I did embellish and bring in other memories to flesh out the writing as a narrative) nor even quite like to remember. But as I wrote, I could separate myself from it a little too, and see her as a character, sympathising with her and seeing 'me'/'her' in a new light. It was fun to write, despite the darkness.