Dating without Games: A Manifesto.
The dating world can be disheartening and cruel no matter how privileged you are: man, woman, beautiful, rich, connected, cool, young even famous. Why have we evolved to this game-playing machinery that numbs souls and diminished expectations?
I don't know but here's what I do know.
It's very very difficult to put yourself out there for real, to be a bit vulnerable without knowing the outcome but also aware the odds are against you. IT's a brave thing to do. It's almost crazy.
That's why I wrote this manifesto: for you who dare.
Being nice in this cruel, cold war dating world that we live in today is by itself an act of courage. Giving up is surrendering and counting yourself in line with the sheep that perpetuate the very system that we despise. And it is a very bad system that brings pain to most and rewards psychopathic behavior, players, and robots.
If one is part of the system, what grounds to whine about it one has?
Being nice is anti-establishment, a rebellion and a protest.
The guerrilla fighters are not anymore the bad boys, the aloof, the hipsters, the cool or even the mindfuckers but people like me and maybe you, who dare to be a little stupid, a little raw and wear their heart on their sleeves and just be nice when they feel like being nice. Not testing again and again if you deserves the niceness, not giving it on terms and conditions like hardened lawyers and veterans but paying it forward with impunity and a smile.
And yes, indeed, our suspicions will often be confirmed and we might swear: never again until we do it, just as simple, not easy, again. Again. Again.
Again.
Always hoping but not overly attached to the hope, that the tide will turn, little by little not into our favor but in everyone's favor and ultimately, we'll have a better dating world that will produce better outcomes for everyone.
Yet, it is hard to do that. It takes a lot of fortitude and determination and most importantly, a maturity that can only be earned.
Part of the way to do it is to understand that when people hurt you they're not actually hurting you, they're just expressive violently their own pain, that they had received from someone else. They just know no better way to deal with it.
When they do shitty things they aren't about you, they're about THEM. It's easy to forget when you look at it like that.
OK, nobody can be THAT nice and you have no business accepting a shitty behavior from anyone but understand fully, know fully, that it is not on you in anyway, can be freeing.
Have patience and don't give up on this ideal.
As they do, so can you, and spreading niceness will never be detrimental, only maybe to your ego, which might as well take it, because it never helped anyone do something worth doing.
So go and do it, swear by it, follow it, make it your gospel. you are the gift, you are the surprise, you are the unexpected.
Buy her those flowers, get him that book, kiss him, call her after a day, after an hour, call her after you lave her side and tell her you liked her, you want to see him again, you're feeling good and you smile, cook her dinner, take him to your secret place and just do whatever you want to do that is nice and fair and stop obsessing about consequences and messages and signals and everything that dilutes the oranges juice of enjoying each other company!
This is re-post from about a month ago. Reedited and improved. It got 3 upvotes last time.
I think when it comes to dating all you can do is be yourself. Don't try to pretend to be someone you aren't, let someone see the real you and make their decision. The more effort you put into trying to appear to be someone else just to please someone the more likely you are just wasting each others time. If they can't accept you as you are then they aren't worth your time to begin with.
healthy view, my friend....
It's sad that dating is like giving a resume to a prospective employer.
-only put your best foot forward
-present what you 'think' they want
-attempt to hide/minimize flaws
Then after about a month or two, as things normalize, you find can actually find out if that person matches their resume.
Thanks for the good read :)
That's hilarious. Why don't you try the opposite and see what happens?!
Oh, I absolutely do. Essence is the most important thing for me to share and connect with.
Unfortunately the resume method is what most people seem to do.
Good read. You are right, don't give up on being nice!
It's easy to build up walls when you have been rejected or hurt, but if you're hiding behind a wall how will the love of your life find you? Always try to set the example of how to behave and treat others, and hopefully those who struggle with these ideals will one day change direction and follow in your footsteps. I'm glad you posted this @razvanelulmarin
thank you for your KINDNESS. Indeed, I feel that if more people would be nicer we would all win...
I agree, well said.
If you don't go for it, you'll never know what could have happened.
@ razvanelulmarin , I agree with you. Be human. Which means be natural and be nice to people. Against popular notions, you really don't go further in life by being aggressive and mean and by taking advantage of others. I believe you get further by being kind. :)
Upvoted
You have already got 10 times more upvotes than last time ))
Upvoted
Thanks. I think it's a neat message and I was really excited to put it out there so for me it's about visibility..more upvotes, more visibility right?
Not everybody take what's good only, from bad life experiences....so they learn how to be trully human beings and love unconditionally. You.re a good man, simply evolve only, in this direction and never change:).
What makes you feel like a boss?
Hi! This post has a Flesch-Kincaid grade level of 7.8 and reading ease of 74%. This puts the writing level on par with Tom Clancy and F. Scott Fitzgerald.