How is life perceived? The 11th of June.

in writing •  last year 

I do not know how to perceive life.
Everyone says it's easier to perceive, but how is it easier to perceive it.
That's who I tell all this?

Therefore, I will tell this in my diary.
Now I was going (it was June 11) in my condition. Dullness, hardness.
Habitual for the last time.

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And passing by the familiar coach for Holotropic Breathing. Yodha (that's what he calls himself). He holds seminars on ootropic breathing. I used to be back in 2012.

And he passes by - and I pass him. And before that I passed by a nice girl and for the hundredth time I regretted inwardly that I did not catch up with her and did not stop him (but why is it not known).

And here is the master of the holotrop. And then I decide to catch up with him. I think but no, it's like a dream. We need to catch up with him. Scream - Yodh, stop! And I did not scream, I passed by.

But then he turned and followed him.
Coming, panic sets me on.
That I will not find him.
Loneliness is a feeling of hopelessness.

And then I catch a glimpse of Yodha coming in like a bus.
And I do not dare to go into the bus, because it's embarrassing and somehow ashamed, scary.
And I sit down next to the bus and sit, just sitting.

And then a man comes to me, the appearance of tortured.
And he says - please, help out, stole a backpack, there's no money to get home. And he asks for a very small amount - half a dollar.

And I myself am in a position that I want emotionally, and in general support. Therefore, I very much respond to any requests.

And now I enter the bus on such emotions. I ask Yodhi ... how can I talk to you? He says - at seminars or on the Internet. And I'm like that, I'm out.

And we go with a man who asked me for help - we are looking for an ATM - we go for a long time. On the way, I was still approaching people and asked for money on the road - but no one gave, of a man 10. There is no confidence. And it's understandable - I also react when I'm asked.

Can not transfer the entire state.
But then it seemed some kind of delirium.

and in this I see something amazing, because such intertwining events. After all, I came back only because of Yodhi. And I could not return. And then everything would have gone differently.

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I'll tell you something few people know... God is the meaning of Life...
And Life saw that it was good...

I have read a few of your posts. You seem to feel the way I do most of the time. I also don't really see the point of life. No matter what you do, how you do it, what you believe, everyone still has the same cancer of life and dies in the end. Still not actually sure if I believe in reincarnation either. It's all up in the air for me. I am atheist because of all the religious people that are hypocritical. And that is most of them whether they admit it or not. I haven't had a lot of girlfriends in my life either, so that sucks living most of my life alone. You have posted a few pics and said that you were too afraid to post a pic of yourself. You also mentioned you do have friends. So, have one of your friends take a pic of you doing something you enjoy so that you are more comfortable with it. You don't even have to show your face in it. You can just have your back turned or something. Also maybe try nudism. It doesn't have to be around anyone else, but just walk around naked in your own place. If there is a place where you can get some sun on your naked body, then try that too. Without the restriction of clothing, things feel better. I can't wait until I can afford to live in a place where I don't have to wear clothes unless I leave the property. People say we have freedom in America, but I don't think we have true freedom. I have been thinking about writing a post on it someday. Anyway, at least try the pic thing to feel a little more comfortable on here. I have come to believe that you will get more support on here than the people out around you that you pass by when walking on the street. And just keep posting. I need to post more instead of waste time playing video games and get more stuff done that I want to do. I will also be uploading some nudist workout videos and try to work on getting a following. So, feel free to watch them and let me know what you think. Have a good day.