Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm so sorry. I put all of my savings into Bitcoin and when the price dipped I panic sold everything. I wish I'd listened to you.

I know now that Dad was right. I should have listened when he explained how stupid I was to think that 'magic internet money' was going to help me. From now on I'm going to take his advice. I'll shine my shoes so I can see my face in them and look every job interviewer I meet right in the eye. If that's all it took in his day it'll certainly work for me.

I haven't had any job interviews yet but I'm optimistic. I've only sent about 500 applications. Some of them wrote back to ask if I was a robot, because they're only employing robots from now on. I said I wasn't. Maybe you could pay for me to go back to college and become one? All the employers seem to want them now.

I still have aspirations to own a house. I went to the bank like dad did years ago and asked to see the manager. There was only one person there and when I looked right into his eyes and tried to shake his hand he pressed the panic button. He said they were cutting staff. He said they were moving towards 'full automation'. And when the police were taking me away he followed and said he didn't think I'd get a mortgage without an actual job.

I've been doing some sums. I wanted to get things straight in my head. It's looking like I'll be able to pay off my college tuition in about twenty years if I get a minimum wage job. Then I'll need to save for another 8 years until I can afford a deposit for a house. Then, in thirty more years I'll have paid off the house. Of course this doesn't factor in my degree. If I can find a well paid position that requires someone with a degree in transgender fluidity and polynormal abnormality studies I'll earn a lot more, and that $250,000 will have been money well spent.

Until then I'm banking on McDonalds. Like dad said, if I work hard in any job I'll definitely get noticed. They've got some part time positions for support staff for when the robots break down. They can virtually guarantee me a few hours each month and a lot more if there's a massive electromagnetic pulse attack from North Korea.

I'll close now because I'm so busy. I need to join the queue of applicants for a job a Walmart. Chances are slim because there are at least 5000 people but I'm hopeful. I'll add a firm handshake and to my direct look and shiny shoes. If it worked for dad it'll work for me.

No more of this bitcoin nonsense. I'm so excited. It's the real world for me now!

Image taken from multiple sources on anonymous image boards.