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RE: A World Long Sundered -- Chapter 1
Sorry I missed this when you posted it. Happy to have caught up with it though. Your writing really set up a mood over this chapter. Insular, introversion, dark, claustrophobic; all words that come to mind. Enhanced by the slow rhythmic "drip" of the water, like a metronome.
If I have any complaint it's not of the quality - perhaps this could have been over two posts. My concentration was going by the end. Perhaps that just me, though.
You are absolutely right @naquoya ! This piece needed a lot of work. I did decide to break it up and trim it down. You can find the updated versions here at #worldlongsundered . Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It means ever so much to me!
Happy to read your material and comment. I have started on the edited material. I can already see the difference, particularly in terms of pacing. Seems like quite an intriguing story, delivered in such a way that the reader is ever curious about whats still to come. What is really going on? Finding the balance between informing, and leaving the mystery can be a challenge.
Yes, I certainly have difficulty with the balance. Being too wordy puts off most readers. All my friends at the Fiction Workshop on Discord have been very helpful in learning how to pace the reading, increasing interest. I think the edited versions have more punch. Kudos to you for taking the time to read both versions. Thanks!