To Be Better I Overcame My Fears And Stopped To Do What Others Wants Me To Do (Storm) By Endija
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami
Lost possibilities and opportunities. The clock is ticking and there is no time or next day. I knew all that. But I had that strange feeling - I'm not myself.
I do not want to waste my time anymore. I want to keep my eyes open. I do not want to feel like my mind is floating around like a balloon with a broken string.
If I would stay here, where I was from the very beginning, I would be lost forever.
I have to write things down in my diary. It is like talking with someone who understands and always supports. It does not make me feel like I am blown away. I am still here. I still feel myself. My real self.
Mom,
She always is there for me. Giving all she can. How could I ever hurt her?
I write to you.
But still. There was no escape. No art or writing and creating could help. In this whole conversation all these years we spent together was a point to say goodbye. To little me.
Every time I try something falls apart. I know I tried a lot of times. And I know it gets more mixed up. But that is Ok. I just want to express myself the way I want to. It is not what you wanted to hear.
Sometimes I get anxious about you. About you and me. But. This was my dream. Still is. I will survive. Do not worry.
You are still with me. And that is a blessing.
In every nightmare I lost something inside of me. The more I have them, more I know there is no way back. I have to. It is the only way to exist as a person.
These were strange days. But made me who I am today.
I do not blame anyone, I really needed clear - cut solution. I found one. And just work hard now. With opened heart.
I guess our storm is gone. We wont remember after a year or so. But we will have a time we spent together.
This is the most captivating and emotionally powerful post i have ever, i mean ever read here on Steemit. It is so great to see someone who takes all of this more than just a blog, or a place where to earn.
Reading something where a person puts all of his heart out, you really have put a stunned expression on my face with this. No words for such a truly breathtaking emotional roller-coaster which took me in with every sentence i read here. Thank you so much for putting this out
I needed to put this out. Writing for me is how I speak when art can not help. Can not speak. And I can not talk. It is all I have.
I always loved to create. And if in one way I can not express myself, I will do it another way. I just put all my heart out without thinking how someone will feel. At some point it is scary. But after I read and know it is good for me, I will share. And there are many many pages left behind, delicate and private I will never share.
I feel grateful that I can earn something here with my writing. I feel blessed. But it is not the most important thing for me. Comments like yours are everything to me. Thank you!
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good explanation and loved your writing.