Next Morning by Endija Original Story

She had never told her that she loved her.
If she'd wanted to send her a message, she could find a way to do so? Surely?
All her life she felt she have lost her, her best friend, her mother, as simple as that.

-I am sorry mum. For not understanding - for not being what you wanted and expected me to be.
There she stops. Deep breath.
-Of course it does not mean that you do not love me.
Her eyes are full of tears.
-But I must leave.
-Of course not!
-I thought that for a long time. I have no choice.

That helped mother to see something she could not help. She loved her daughter from the bottom of her heart. That was the reason she did not want to let her go.
Deep in her heart she understood that both of their hearts was reminder of all what happened with her. And both of them. She has to deal with it.
It still hurts. To everyone. Terribly hurts. Sometimes.

For a while there were a silence.
-It is an old secret, it has always been so private for all of us.
Again painful, full of truth silence.
-Do you want to talk about it?
-No, if you do not mind.

Girl was exhausted, she could not speak more about it. And she knew one day she needs to say the truth that hurts so much deep inside to her best friend and boyfriend in one person. It is easy to keep secrets and do not tell anyone about them if they are not yours. But when it is talk about your deepest and darkest secret which even is not your fault, hurts about everyone.
She opened the door and all she could silently say before she closed the door was:
"Call me, when you will feel like to."

And she left. One stone from her heart was gone where another was knocing already.
She knew if this secret will come up, everything will change. But could she be silent? Silent for how long more? One more year, two or ten? It was painful. Always had to find realistic reason, why do not like something, why do not want to go or meet each others family. The struggle was real. Every time she even felt she could think about it, and there were many reminders of that, she felt anxious and scared as she was back then.

It was a big step to move out from her mothers house. But the biggest step will come. And it will be the hardest one.
A lot of wondering how others manage to keep secrets like this, how they can live again and ignore it and does other girls or boys situations like this in the evening or middle of the night wakes up from crying and pain they feel inside. And the worst thing of all is that she can not tell to everyone. She, who always is wrong, if will tell, will be even more worst person on earth.

This is one thing she loves to the library and back her mother. Secrets shared with her will always be safe. But does she feel safe inside?
Anxious to go alone in the street. Since that scary day she will never forget.

Now she is close to her new home and as always puts smile and the best mood she can and goes inside. Like there would not be any secret, no pain and the past is gone with this new life.

-How it was? Your talk with mother?
-So, how was your day while i was gone? Something good happened?

He saw pain in her eyes but did not say anything. He, her loving boyfriend who always supports her, will be silent about this part in her life. Unless she will want to talk about it.

-I made some changes, as you said you would like it better. Do you want to see?

She smiled as good as she could and knew, tomorrow, when he will be working again, she will write her feelings in a diary. That helped her since the first day she discovered something so personal to share just with her and feel better.

-You did what? Are you serious, so soon and fast? I am more than excited to see!
She hugged him and gave short kiss to him. This made her really happy. Suddenly the pain was gone. Her mind was in different story to focus on again.

-I know how important for you is the place where you live and work. Little surprise wil never be bad.
The new table and desk looked much more better, better then she was imagining it to be after making some changes. He loved to work with his own hands and so she loved to see him do everything by himself. At least one thing she never told him to stop doing.

I decided to give this drawing to this post because it shows perfectly how it feels.
Also, quick mention, this is my original text from one day up coming book. Any similarities are not made on purpose.