Diary of A Modern Man: Entry #11 (Powerup Post)
Wednesday 12th April - The Diary of A Modern Man.
So Amber has finally replied. I text her two days ago telling her how much I keep thinking about her. Her reply?
'Yeah I kinda feel the same. Things with Tom have just ended though, I'm not sure I'm ready to dive back into something serious. But you're not alone here x'
Is that positive? I really can't tell. On one hand I'm relieved that she, at least to some extent, mirrors my feelings. However, there isn't a full admittance of feelings there. She could like me, or she could just be being nice. I definitely feel like I've been here before.
Given how things have turned out in the past I will take anything that sounds remotely positive. Although I feel almost let down. The nights we spent together were magical; or, at least I thought so. Is it that she didn't feel the same way, or are things with Tom genuinely complicating matters? I'm unlikely to see her for another month or so, which is going to make things difficult. We carried on talking and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to wait for her. If the opportunity arises I'll see other girls in the meantime. Sure, I won't go actively looking in the same way I would if Amber wasn't around, but I'm not going to turn down any opportunities because of her.
I just wish that I felt like I came to this conclusion independently. There's a nagging sensation in the back of my mind that she wants this more than I do. Although, I'm crazy about her and still want to have fun with other girls while I'm not seeing her. Maybe she feels the same way?
Either way, I feel like I'm entering pretty dangerous territory.
Thanks for reading, any comments, questions, or advice comment below! Or head over to @modern-man to follow me and check out the rest of my series
I don't know Amber, so unfortunately I cannot tell you exactly what her response meant. But I would like to say that if it were ME, and if I spilled my heart out only for someone to say "Yeah, I KINDA feel the same," I think that would be my cue to find someone more appreciative of me. If those nights were as magical for her as they were for you, she wouldn't give a flying fuck about Tom. Of course I could be completely wrong, but this is how I would interpret it if I were in your position. If those nights were so magical, she would not give you any reason to think she feels otherwise.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have to wonder about her response, you're probably thinking harder about her than what she is about you. I hope you don't dislike me saying that.
On the bright side, you're clearly a great writer and great with words, so I truly doubt you'll have trouble finding another. If you were to ask me what I think, I would tell you to do your thing, allow other women to connect with you emotionally (you don't want to block someone out who could be "the one") and if Amber genuinely wants you she will speak up.
@nataleejean This is exactly what I was fearing. I think more than anything I just don't want to admit it. You're probably right and I appreciate your words :) Thank you!
Well, as a woman I always like to think I'm right, but she could message you tomorrow and confess her undying love for you. I think that humans are very unpredictable. I don't know about you because I grew up a female, but I always struggled with this kind of thing because I always assumed I wasn't attractive enough. I don't know if it's the same for males. But I always assumed "Oh, he doesn't love me back, I'm clearly not pretty enough." because I didn't understand how much deeper it was than that. Now that I'm older, I understand that they didn't stick around because they weren't meant for me. It was never because I wasn't pretty or funny enough. They just weren't for me. So IF that's the case for you, I just hope you don't take any of her feelings personal. There is usually always something else great right around the corner. It never means you aren't GOOD enough. I'm mainly saying all of this to you because I wish someone would have said it to me. Good luck either way. :) Nice people are very hard to find.
Thanks for this, you're amazing :) I really appreciate all of this! You have a very wise perspective on things now though
Thank you so much!!! 😊