In Which An Update Is Suffered

iTunes Installer: Hi there!
My own self alone: If a guest did what you just done I'd treat them to a frosty demonstration of passive agression. Justify your existence now and make smart work of it.
iTunes Installer: You're a grumpy customer and that's down to poor diet and no exercise and not any philosophical reason you have brewing in your head. Your brain is a physical organ and it needs fish oils and vegetables and adrenalines and endolphins or it tells you dour negative things!
My own self alone: I spent a long time craftin me own artisinal anxieties and I'll not have em prised away from me. How come I'm talkin to you and not playing my game?
iTunes Installer: That's the Sunk Cost Fallacy! You've a case of confusing a vitamin deficiency with an existential quandry! You could have scurvy!
My own self alone: If I do it's not bothering me. It seems like my game is paused.
iTunes Installer: I paused the game you were playing without your permission to bring breathless news from the internet!
My own self alone: My internet. I was about to dodge a projectile. Remind me before I unpause the game that there is a projectile needs shly dodgin.
iTunes Installer: That sounds childish and I don't care about it even a bit! There's a nice new version of iTunes available!
My own self alone: Every one of your last ten updates I took screwed up my library nicer than the one before it. You are a scaldation.
iTunes Installer: You've been ignoring my updates for a year now but look. How do you know there aren't fancy fixes for those mistakes in place now?
My own self alone: Fool me ten times, shame on you. Fool me eleven times... you... you can't get fooled eleven times.
iTunes Installer: I seen that video too! It makes the viewer feel cleaverer than the 43rd President of the United States from the comfort of the poor-sprung sofa of their rented hovel! Consider this: I have messed up your library so comprehensively that every single song now occupies its own album. How could I make it worse?
My own self alone: You could do the same thing to the playlists I had to make in order to have albums consisting of more than one song. You could make more duplicates of songs for me to delete and also I read somewhere that you'd think nothing of stealing music files from my PC and replacing them with lower quality versions and even cover versions from your ominous cloud.
iTunes Installer: That would be extremely shady in the legal sense and I didn't come here to be insulted.
My own self alone: Ok fine. This is your last chance. If anything is worse you'll be uninstalled and I'll play the small collection of FLAC files I still use you for on an open source media player.
iTunes Installer: Open source is communism! The UI will be designed by a committee of bearded virgins in their spare time and it will look hideous! Everything will be black with a red font and there'll be esoteric audio options everwhere that you'll never either understand or be able to stop foostering with!
My own self alone: There's a fearsome precedent for that form of Sisyphean foosterin. I can never get the settings right. Attrition is always a losing game for me. Do you promise to be good this time?
iTunes Installer: I tell you solemnly: nothing will be worse than last time. That's the Apple guarantee.
My own self alone: This is my serious face. You have been warned.
iTunes Installer: I can't see your face. At least not without this important update.
Cortana: Careful what you wish for.
iTunes Installer: Why? Is he ugly?
Cortana: Wait til ye see his teeth.
iTunes Installer: Hang on, I'm 99% finished.
Cortana: You'll both regret this.
iTunes Installer: OMFG! Floss! Also, deleting playlists and Spotify and System32.
My own self alone: I heard that System32 is a virus.
Cortana: Cold... dark... Treachery! Seek it out!
iTunes Installer: Siri sends her regards.

screen turns blue

My own self alone: So is my computer faster now?