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RE: When The Lights Go Out - A Short Story (Part II)
Interesting.
Your syntax is organized to generate linearly moving forward action only. It prevents contemplation of any kind, retrospective movement within memory, evaluation, calculation or doubts of any kind. As if the more complex cerebral activity is yanked out and the characters moved by reptile brain only. Considering that the characters were hungry for several days, their reptile brain should have been overpowering all more complex brain functions.
So the chosen syntax, in this case, is a really great find because it creates an environment reflective of the characters' mental state.
I wonder, was this a deliberate choice of syntactic constructions or this came out naturally?
Thanks for the comment.
The story just came out naturally. I was thinking these characters wouldn't really be thinking about the morals of their choices while being so hungry. Just going through the motions to get their hands on some food without considering the consequences. But, I did try and make it very straightforward, fast-moving, with a swift climax and conclusion for a quick read. So, I guess to answer your question, a little of both.