Godly Vices Part I

First part of a series I have begun writing.

Exclaimer: I do not have a stance towards any religion! I my self am more the atheist (but don't like the label, it has been tossed around quite and I am not part of the we-are-all-monkeys,-lets-stop believing-in-anything tribe), but do not wish to portray the idea, that religions are dumb. But the idea of what is god and how it functions has always fascinated me, and I love the old gods; they were humans with superhuman power and they didn't hide behind omnipotence or perfection, and were much purer and juicier than what a god is today in many religions. And I am a fan of blatant, dumb and easy humour. No shame here!

GODLY VICES

Ever since the gods came into existence, they were creators. One creation after another, each better than the one before. To each god his own style and technique were given to sculpt the face of existence. But after only a few eons, existence itself was beginning to overflow with life and the gods had to intervene.
One of the upper gods spoke out to the rest: “To manny creatures walk this realm. When we first came to these worlds to light the spark of life we were young and did not know that the laws we constructed for this universe would have such dire consequences in such a short period of time.” “That is not true!” Shouted one of the more superstitious gods. “Our group had predicted this since the beginning of our coming here. We all have been telling you that we had angered our ancestors since that incident at our last big bang party when Inanna and Anu had one to manny and changed e into a constant.”
“That’s not how it happened!” Shouted Anu, and the upper gods raised their voice. “Enough, we have been searching for a scapegoat for too long, let us not dwell upon the past and put our efforts into fixing the present.” “Hah, scapegoat, good thing I came by, or you would still be calling it a wheresamawho,” proudly proclaimed Jesus, one of the newcomer gods.
“Shut up Jesus, you’re always so full of shit, the only true wonder you ever performed is keeping your sheet so white this whole time. And seriously, one book man. One book and you think you invented the damn wheel. And the best part isn’t that you copied almost all of it from my bestseller, no. You spoiled little brat didn’t even write it yourself,” Horus complained. He addressed the court of the gods: “The dying and resurrection thing was mine first and this jerk didn’t even have the consideration to go do it on some other planet. Some one-hit wonder he’s supposed to be.”
“So I outsourced it, like I’m the only one who put his monkeys in shoes and used them for free labour. Yeah, I’m looking at you Buddha, no wonder your monkeys are still trying to find nirvana, you probably ate it.”
“ENOUGH!” Shouted the upper gods in unison. One of them raised his voice: “The facts are, that we are running out of space, and a fine example is this planet everyone is talking about, Earth. Why we chose to employ so manny interns who majored in carbon lifeforms is beyond my comprehension, but again, lets not do Jesus's thing” he chuckled and continued his speech: “We could just destroy all and begin from scratch. The old gods once did it and it worked out quite well for them.” “We all know you like your dust baths Shiva, but isn’t it a bit to soon for a total annihilation? I have promised my monkeys a sequel you know and I wouldn't like to disappoint them. They must be dying to see me again by now.”
“No Jesus is right, there surely is a better option than eradication, the human race is young and beautiful in its existence,” said Zeus. “We should nurture them, not destroy them!” “We all know how you like to nurture your monkeys Zeus, you kinky zoophile you,” laughed Jesus. Buddha threw a glance at Jesus and said: “You do know he’s kinda your dad and that you yourself are in a way half monkey.” As soon as Buddha uttered his words Zeus clenched his fist and jumped him. He grabbed him by his civara and just before he could hit him the other gods intervened and pulled them apart. “Don’t you dare profile my boy like that. Being mortaly challenged is not a choice,” Zeus shouted in anger, his veins pumping and his arms and legs vigorously trying to escape the hold of the other gods restlessly trying to hold him down. And Buddha, who had just picked himself up from Zeus's sudden outburst calmly replied: “Sure seems to me like you did have a choice Zeus, and if my memory doesn't fool me, you blew it all over that encaged woman. Golden blessings everywhere, it was really quite a spectacle.” ...