When She Took Her Last Breath
In November of 2012, my mother-in-law took her last breath at Ruby Memorial Hospital
This is her story...
I met my now husband in 2011. His mother had just had her first series of very bad strokes. I met her for the first time as she laid on a hospital bed. The strokes had nearly completely crippled her. She could barely walk or talk but yet she still remained the Cindy that her family had always known. We handed her a thickened drink so that it would be easier for her to swallow it, along with pureed beef and vegetables. She yelled, "I am not eating that shit!" and she didn't, not that meal at least. I also remember her yelling at her husband because he wouldn't sneak her precious dog Ellie into the hospital to see her.
I recently moved to West Virginia where the hospital is that Cindy passed away in. We had to go there for an emergency not long ago. As we walked through these doors, the reminder of her passing pops into my mind. I can't imagine the thoughts and emotions that invaded my husbands head.
On the other side of the doors, I saw a row of empty hospital beds. Quietly in my mind i'm thinking to myself, could one of these many beds have been the bed that my mother-in-law took her last breath on? If I could tell which bed it was, I wouldn't be able to tell you anyway because I unfortunately chose not to be there...
Back in 2012, my husband got the phone call that his mother had her last series of multiple strokes. She was sleeping at the time and unfortunately, she didn't wake up. Cindy was in a coma. That is how she made it to Ruby Memorial Hospital. With her family by her side, they sat around her holding her lifeless hands. With only two people allowed in the room at one time, the others had to patiently wait outside the room. Emotionally broken, they just had to stare at the emptiness of nothing as they awaited the news of what was to come.
This isn't a very easy story for to me to share with the world.
I was 20 years old when Cindy passed away. I wasn't the better person that I am today. Boy, do I wish every single day that I was. You see, I wasn't there for my husband as he had to take his own mother off of life support. Why? What human being would do that to a person? I don't even know. I can't give you an answer because there isn't one. I'm tired of making excuses as to why I pushed this mans emotions aside. Why I made him sit in this hospital alone. Of course, I can sit here and tell you several reasons of why I wasn't there. We weren't on good terms, he did this and I did that, blah blah blah. All excuses, excuses that I am done giving.
As I was sitting in that same hospital, staring at those same walls, I couldn't help but to become flooded with emotions because of the heartless human I was at that time. Now, the only thing that I can do about it is be there for him and honor his mothers memory. Although I unfortunately didn't get the chance to know the real Cindy, I have learned that regardless of her flaws (that we all have) she was a loving and caring women. Still to this day, as we go through his mothers things we find many things from when she was a social worker. Many things that show the loving person she was.
Material things that she left behind now tell the story of this beautiful soul.
What came at the end of this trip, was the icing on the cake!
Our vehicle was parked right in front of the emergency room department. There were two paramedics that were about to transfer a woman to a different hospital. As they prepared the ambulance, they placed the stretcher to where it was facing us. My husband looks over at me with what looked like tears in his eyes. At this point I already knew what he was going to say, "that woman looks just like my mother." She really did! The woman stared back as if she was looking through us just the same as we were looking through her...
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Wow, oh wow. This is a remarkably beautiful, brave, vulnerable post. I feel honored that I got to read it and that you chose to trust this platform with your story. Beautifully written and done! <3
Thank you so much! As always, your kind words mean so much. It was tough to find the right words to say...
We're all here to learn how to die. And/ or how to let go of others. And/ or how to lose that which we love. The process is frequently mutated as your story relates, but it is all the same process.
These are very true words. I love the photo you shared here as well!
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STOPThank you for writing this....I wish I had read this two months ago when you wrote it. For a very long time, I flt as if you had no regard for what that did to me, and honestly, it made my cry to read this. Thank you!