A soldier and an artist, a short story of fiction

I don't know if I can live like this. There is a hole growing in my chest, I feel so lonely, so alone, I feel like he is not on my side anymore. Like we are growing apart day by day. His words may make me forget for a while, but it always comes back. That feeling. That feeling of dissatisfaction and loneliness. Little things start to bug me, his company starts to bug me, him not being there bugs me. Nothing is good anymore.

I am considering leaving, it would be better, because I don't know how long it is going to be before we start hating each other. Of course I have feelings, we have been together for a long time, I just don't know if it is healthy anymore, I don't feel like it is. Instead my resentment is just building up, the company he keeps, should have been a sign already.

And I feel like he is not strong enough for me, the things that I have seen, he hopefully never will, he lives in his own bubble, his world is different from mine. I want to stay, but I don't think I should, it will do more damage than good. And every day I feel like leaving is the better option for both of us.

He knows what I want from life, I know what his dreams are, I can live with all of those, but he always evades talking about what I want. He never told me what he thinks about my goals and that itself answers the question of where my dreams stand in his eyes. Every day I am gathering the courage to leave, because one day in the future, I feel, I will have to. I don't think he loves me, it is just comfortable, that is why we don't talk about future, he thinks he can defer it to infinity.

I am full of sadness and grief even though I haven't left yet, but I feel the day will come and I am out of the door with one feet already. I am slipping away and he won't even notice, there will just be excuses when it will be too late already. And if there is one positive thing I say or one day when we are okay, he stops caring about all the others and just slips away.

It is funny how opposites attract, it is admirable how long we survived, all those years spent together, the experience they provided me, I don't regret a second. I do know tomorrow is going to be dark, and the day after is not going to be better. But one day the sun will rise again, I will wake up one more time, the world will give me another day to see the beauty of life.

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We get attracted to the most unlikely people, sometimes things work out and other times they don't. We all have feelings and needs, some that are not met. It is important to understand when it is worth it and when you are just keeping each other back. I, too have doubts in my life, just like my heroine in the story, but the thing is once in a while we all have doubts, it is our job to figure out if they are valid or not. Don't take too much sadness from the story, it is just the reality that we feel how we feel sometimes, the world will not stop spinning!

As always, have an amazing day, week and life,
Linda