But I Don't Want To Do Any Writing Today...

We’ve all been there; “I’ve had a long day at work, I got a lot of other stuff done today, I simply haven’t had the time, everyone is entitled to an off day, right?”

Yes, everyone IS entitled to a day off, so long as it is only for one day, and you come back ready to do twice as much work the next day. In theory this is a great idea, unfortunately more often than not one day becomes two, two becomes three, and so on…

Lately I have been guilty of this. My reasoning is that I deserve to have a break once in a while. I’m just about to finish having three days off of work. I did a bit of editing and roughly about 1000 words of my latest book during this time. Some would consider this a success, but not me…

I consider success being a best selling author. Someone who can make a living off of writing. Maybe one day notice someone reading my book in a public place or talk about ‘a great book they are reading at the moment’, unaware that I wrote the thing.

I’m sure a lot of you are thinking of the same word; delusional. This guy got a D in English and didn’t even go to college, let alone a university, the mere fact that this guy thinks he can waltz into the writing scene and take it by storm is hysterical. Sit down loser, and go back to your day job…

This way of thinking, which I have dealt with all my life if I’m honest, spurs me on to write that bestseller even more. I’m very much like a child in this sense; I hate losing, and I see life as a game, a game that is there to be won. But I have to start right at the back of the grid. This means I have to work twice as hard before anyone even recognizes me as a writer, and that’s just the first rung of a very tall ladder.

Fast forward to today; I have written five books, published two of them. I’m about a quarter of the way through my sixth book and hope to publish my third book by the end of next week. Not too bad for someone who doesn’t have a creative writing degree. However if I want to be known as an author rather than someone going through a phase I can’t stop now. I need to continuously churn out high quality literature for years, maybe even decades before I get a genuine fan base.

Which brings me to this blog post. Yes, I don’t want to do it today. I’d rather watch a whole season of Family Guy. But when I feel this way I simply listen to this song

B.O.B ft Eminem - Airplanes

Listen intently to Eminem’s verse. This to me is the definition of winning. We all face that dilemma of wondering if we are good enough or if we are wasting our time and should play safe. Playing safe or bursting through that wall of self doubt may be the difference between fulfilling your potential and working at the same job you worked at ten years ago wondering why it didn’t fall on your lap (and yes, I deliberately used those words…)

So this is my crossroads; do I keep writing and editing even though I don’t want to, or shall I say to myself, “Just this once, you’ve earned it buddy!” And watch TV until I fall asleep. Well this is what I have to say to myself; “You ain’t earned shit yet! You can relax when you are having a conversation with someone who says that they were entertained by your books or made them see things from a different perspective.”

I guess I’ve got to get back to editing and writing. I’m going to be up until about two in the morning, but it’s either that or come up with flimsy excuses.

• Update: I wrote this two years ago on my Wordpress blog. I have now written eight books and published four. And that sixth book I was a quarter of the way through writing? That book is 'The Pornstar', and I'm publishing it at the end of the month, along with another book 'Stranded', which I hadn't even begun when I first wrote this blogpost.

As you can guess, I didn't give up. I'm still nowhere near the finishing line, but I'm also nowhere near the starting line as well. Sometimes I look back at what I've done so far and although it's very 'un-English' to be arrogant, I can't help but feel proud of what I've achieved so far. But that's exactly it; 'so far'. I can't lose sight of my goals now. I hope to say to you in five years time that I've sold my first million copies. Only time will tell...