She and He (Original Writing)

There was this girl.
She was shy, quiet and hardworking but mostly she was just a normal girl.
A normal girl who loves to read and write,
a normal girl who loves being with her friends,
and a normal girl who was in love with the idea of love.
But this story isn't really just about her.
It was also about this guy.

There was this guy who was smart and kind and funny.
Yes, she found him funny, though she would never say it to his face
But apart from that, she found him interesting.
Maybe because they had a lot in common, and she had always longed to have that kind of companion.
Maybe because he was smart and just had a lot of things to say, but despite that, he remained humble.
Or maybe because he wasn't shallow, but often thought very deep, pulling you along with him.
Yes, she was interested in him, interested in what he had to say.
She liked him.
But before she got to the point of knowing how smart or how deep he is,
she already found him interesting.

There was a scene in the book "Attachments" by Rainbow Rowell which she really held dear.
In that scene, the girl asked the guy if he believed in love at first sight,
and the guy answered, "I don't know. Do you believe in love before that?"
It spoke to her.
Why? Because it was very similar to her own situation.
Perhaps the guy never knew, but even before they really met, she already heard a lot of things about him.
And hearing those made her want to know him, to be friends with him.
Did she like him even before they met?
Perhaps.
Perhaps she did.

She found it unsettling, the idea of liking him when she hardly even knew him.
She wasn't that type of girl who fell for looks,
she was sapiosexual, as she would say about herself,
but mostly, she had never liked a guy whom she didn't consider a close friend,
because she was the type who has to know the person first,
as in really know him,
before she even begins liking him.
And with him, it was far from that.
She didn't even know him, she would say,
yet she felt like she did.
Maybe it sounds a little weird,
how can you know someone you've never met?
But that was how she felt.
Still, he wasn't even on his radar.
He didn't know her.

It was about a year after actually being introduced to him that she finally had the chance to be friends with him.
They would text and it got often.
That was when she discovered that he was smart and kind and funny and interesting just as she thought.
She was happy that they became friends.
She was happy that she could talk to him without having to have any specific reason to.
She liked him.
Did she dare hope he would somehow like her too?
Yes.
Yes, she did.

But she wouldn't bet on it
And she didn't dare try to find out from him.
Yes, she liked him in the romantic sense,
but mostly she liked being friends with him.
So even if she liked him, she didn't want to risk it.
Because it wasn't often that she would meet someone who can talk a lot of things with her the way he can.
She didn't want to lose that.
So she made no move,
she didn't dare act upon it,
nor show any motive.
She wouldn't,
no,
she couldn't risk it.
She liked him,
but she knew she couldn't have him.

But somehow,
after some time,
the texts got less,
and they would hardly talk.
She doesn't understand what happened.

She missed talking to him.
But she thought that perhaps he was just busy with his school.
She didn't want to disturb him, so she let herself be busy as well.
When school break came for him, she tried to talk to him again,
he would respond,
but she felt that it wasn't like before.
She felt that he responded out of obligation rather than of interest.
She didn't understand why.

She missed him.
She missed talking to him about all sorts of things.
She missed laughing with him about some random things.

She missed him.
But she didn't know how to fix it.
So instead of asking him, she decided to just get rid of her feelings for him.
She knew that they wouldn't do her any good
She wondered in fact,
if he somehow found out about her feelings for him,
and if that was the reason for how he responded to her.
But what could she do?
She couldn't think of anything.
So instead she just let time do its thing.
She let go of her feelings,
hoping that
somehow,
someday,
they could go back to being friends,
to talking like they used to.

Because it was still that way for her,
romantic feelings may be gone,
but she still remembers enjoying those conversations with him.
She really wants to return to that time when it was easy between them;
casual.
She may not have those feelings for him anymore,
but she misses him.

She still does.