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RE: This is a snippet of a science fiction novel I am writting, I am curious to get people's opinion
You have some great ideas here, and some great imagery, but it's a clunky read so far. That can be tightened up in your second draft! :-) Good luck! Don't stop writing!
Awesome, thank you for reading it. I'm still new to science fiction writing. Usually I stick to fantasy, but I love science so I thought I would give it a try.