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RE: The Barrens (NaNoWriMo Day 2)

in #writing7 years ago

Good. It's always harder after the first chapter and you're in media res - the interest drops off and fewer people care to pick up the story.

I like the subtle allusions to the technologically advanced aspects of his environment. I thought the repeated lines at the beginning were a mistake, but as I read further you added he was rehearsing a lie inside his head.

Your explanation for the repetition came too late, after an intervening sentence.

Maybe you should have incorporated that into the opening lines rather than the second paragraph.

Example:

I never knew my father, my mother was a bookkeeper. I never knew my father, my mother was a bookkeeper.

The practiced lies played over and over again in his head.

This kind of writing is more likely to succeed here on Steemit, Andrew, so maybe you're finding your niche :)

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Thanks for the feedback! Really appreciate it. It's kind of terrifying to just be pushing forward without planning anything, and in the spirit of first drafts I'm trying my best to not edit while writing. I definitely appreciate any observations on continuity or flow; that'll be a big help when I edit/rewrite.

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