What this woman wants

(Found in my old blog from October 1, 2016)

Wants from my tub …

I am going to preface this with some information … this was written to someone. Not just written out.

Meant to assuage some fear of unworthiness at the time. I don’t know why men always equate their worth with what they can offer materialistically.

I have edited out a few pieces for privacy’s sake.

I smoked a joint in the bath and thought about what I want in a partner.

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What I want …

In no particular order of importance, nor even considering long term vs short term wants.

What I think is important, what I am looking for, and what I need in/from my partner….

A love of ones own life and want to share it, not improve it, per say, with someone. Vital. That is the place I am at, and want the same of another.

Confidence. Super important. For many reasons. The most obvious being, I’m fucking amazing and have yet to meet a man who doesn’t want me. Whomever I choose needs to know, I didn’t make that choice lightly and no other man will make me change my mind. Another reason being, I can tend to just …. Back away sometimes. I get quiet. Sort of … Need an introspective break from things. And a partner who lacks confidence will not believe me when I say nothing is wrong, I just need some space.

Passion. Vital. Whether it be for career, art, music, whatever…. I couldn’t stay interested in someone who floats through life not really giving too much of a shit about at least one thing, passionately. Equally vital that the thing not be me. Something else, already existing in his life. The kind of thing that you love so much that you could wind up talking about for hours, not noticing the time passing.

Must have friends and hobbies. Bonus points if hobbies are similar, but it isn’t mandatory.

Must have a belief in … Something other than this physical existence. Call it God, the universe, karma, whatever… Must not be an atheist, basically. Agnostic acceptable. Atheist, not so much.

Cannot use verbiage such as “I seen” or “lemme aks you a question” … It doesn’t matter how much everything else might seem awesome, either of those will eventually cause my eye to twitch and I will leave.

Should like kids, but not want more. I do not want more. Speaking specifically to my kids, my philosophy regarding coupling up and all that entails with kids in the picture is this: my children are my responsibility and mine alone. Adding someone in the picture, that role, is one of …. To enjoy my children as an extension of myself. And they are enjoyable. But the providing for is really non negotiable, it is up to me. I’m not sharing.

Must get along with my dad. Deal breaker.

Must have strong hands and a warm heart. This is meant literally and figuratively.

Must be able to get it up, or at least understand (and put into practice) I need to cum, and there are other ways to make it happen. This has been an issue for me in the past. I’d love to say I’m like some ever understanding being, but the truth is I am a nymph. I need to be turned on and I need to get off. And it can’t be boring and vanilla. Obviously.

Intelligence is high up on the list. I am smart. But I am also submissive. If I always outsmart my mate, I will dominate the relationship and it will no longer interest me.

Faithfulness. I do not tolerate any level of cheating, nor do I participate in any. Physical, emotional, or intellectual. Casual flirting aside, there is a line that many people cross … if you know what I mean that’s all I have to say, if not … I will elaborate.

Patience is required. I am slow to go at things. Because I go in them entirely once I do. And I am sort of a Vulcan or something, I need to weigh out the logic of all sides of a situation before I decide if I’m in it or not. This can give me the appearance of a cold hearted bitch. Actually. Because logic trumps feels almost all the times for me.

Must not want to get married. I am not the marrying kind. I put it out there at the start. Please don’t ever ask. Wife is the most vile of four letter words in my opinion, and I hope to never be one.

Big bonus points for still getting excited to hear the ice cream man.

I want someone who is rough enough to manhandle me, while soft enough to let his inner shit out to me when it’s there. Someone who reveals the real to me, even in darkness. I don’t want a polished pretend version of someone. And that is the same thing that I have to offer. I’m awesome, but I’m a real person, with shit I need to work on and do/be better about. I have rough edges, I want them to be bare.

He must know the importance of family dinners, not just at holidays, and actually act on that.

And where food is concerned he must eat well. I find people who survive on convenience foods are, in general, unhappy and unwell. That isn’t to say I never eat garbage. I can and do eat a whole damn box of Oreos with a pint of full fat milk and am happy about it. But I don’t live on it. And I couldn’t live with someone who does.

As for what I deserve, I can make tongue in cheek comments all day … But really, when you break it all down to basics, what I deserve and am looking for is someone who lives, truly, and loves the same way. Someone who I can enjoy this existence with, laugh a lot with, fuck the hell out of, and look back on it when I’m like 80 saying, I can’t believe it all went so fast, what a good time.

These are the things that matter to me and what I want. I know because I just sat back, smoked a joint in the tub, thought about it, and wrote this. People too often equate deserving/worth/what they have to give with acquisition of material things. Worldly standards and material things are of zero interest to me. This is the shit that matters to me.

(edited to add ... it doesn't matter why or for whom it was written. These are all still valid things. This is exactly what I am looking for)