I dug out pictures that my photographer friend Robert Demeter shoot in my studio 3 years ago. Being in the midst of Anarchapulco conference, with so many people around playing so many different roles, knowingly or not, I reminded myself of where my true happiness comes from.

It's quite overwhelming for me to find myself in a large group of people. Ben Swann delivered a great speech today at opening day of Anarchapulco conference in Acapulco, Mexico. He left the audience with standing applause. One quote from George Orwell that he used perfectly in his context of free journalism stuck with me:

And I'll take that freedom today and tell you that we are all still in a pretty fucked up mindset

I met @lukestokes for the first time in person today (great dude that much is clear right away) and he told me that the opening speaker, Derrick Broze, said something along the lines that we're all screwed up (I was having my morning ocean swim so I missed it). As long as we find ourselves in a group of people, we immediately drop into our egos. We estimate who to look up to and who should look up to us. We instantly buy into some concept of social hierarchy, and most of us totally unconsciously follow the untold rules of the ego projection game.

I can see that clearly happening anytime I'm interacting with people, especially with people who think that they are somewhat "important" or "different" and yes that includes me. I see that game unfold in my head too, which allows me to step back and not always buy into it. If you can't see you predicament, you can't break away from its self-imposed prison. Clarity and honesty with self is the most needed prerequisite for any liberation from your programmed psyche, which does not really serve you, but puts you in a box and categorizes your life and tells you what you can enjoy and what you can't. It limits you in every conceivable way, although it sells you the idea of fake "I'm special" feeling.

It does not matter to me how much money people have. I used to look up to some rich people just because they had something I did not have and that I wanted. Now only one thing matters to me:

A do you have a mission in life that is greater than yourself? Are you passionate about what you do and does it benefit people who come across your work?

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The word "passion" is the key word in that sentence, and another word would be diligence. In my humble opinion there's a simple way to test your love and passion for your work. By asking yourself one simple question: would I still do what I am doing now if I was poor? ....or rich? If the answer is yes....I mean the real yes, when you wake up excited about your today's work, then your passion is true and it should become your primary mission in life. As I said- diligence is the second key word in this, because without it, the fruits of your passionate labor will not flourish, they will not reach the audiences they are supposed to reach, even if it's meant to be only you. You have to give your passion your primary focus in order to make it as good as possible.

If your work is only focused on making money, you are probably not doing what you came here to do.

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By looking at these pictures from 3 years ago, I saw that Robert captured my life mission in his photography. He caught that precious moment of pure passion, which can even sometimes have a hint of sadness in it, because you're alone in it, and fighting the whole untruth of the outside world (..and the beauty of it too), a little lonely samurai up against the greatest of all odds- the quest for expressing the heartbreaking beauty of creation and feeling of loss from the original immortal self and longing to come back to it in every aching moment. As a poor man or a rich man, with or without sleep, with or without recognition, because all else is waste of time, all else is just a game of madness.

Today some important "friends" are coming. They have status and they have lots of $ and they are surrounded by lots of other friends who look up to them, for whatever reasons they deem important. I think I'll just step back from any role as far as I can and remember how it feels when I make that brushstroke and it feels like God just did it with my hand, and all is perfectly aligned there and now, still and peaceful yet swirling in the divine dance of joy.

Today, I will be me without me. I will be the breath of life that has no other purpose than to bring life, to be life.

May you find that passion of yours beating deep in your cash-free heart.

Much Love to all of you,

Jan

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