Day 950 (Daily Post)
Day 950. The crickets are chirping loudly on this pleasant morning and although it looks like it will be a cloudless and sunny morning it will probably turn into another pseudo-sunny day towards the afternoon which is fine by me because my batteries all have a rather decent charge on them after the last few days of super sunny weather.
I have a rather intensive itinerary for getting stuff dismantled and packed down this week so I am unsure just how much time I will be able to spend on writing each day but I will give it my best and hopefully can stick to my usual regimen as much as possible.
I am already feeling pretty run down both physically and mentally even though I have paced myself well enough and tried to conserve my energy for this final stretch of things and somehow managed to avoid growing either manic, depressed or even all that angry over things. If anything I guess I am just sort of numb to the process at hand and 'going through the motions' each day to insure that I can have everything wrapped up here and meet my now looming deadline.
My ability to compartmentalize various aspects of myself has been serving me well of late but I am by no means callous to the fact that I have been deeply wounded by 'having to move' and basically being deprived of enjoying the fruits of my labors here but ultimately there just is not anything to be done about it other than turning a blind eye towards the 'losses' and holding onto the perspective that eventually this phase of life will be over and that I have endured much worse than this in my life which makes for some 'cold comfort' but it is what it is so I just take solace in the fact that I have given (and continue to give) it my best.
I know that it is probably hard to fathom just how much I have put into this place and the obstacles I have faced doing so because ultimately these posts are not all that illuminating in and of themselves but between them the daily videos and the handful of podcasts I think that I have done rather well in documenting things in such a way that 'illumination' is rather obvious for those who have taken the time to perceive the overarching 'picture' that I have meticulously painted.
When I first set out upon this phase of my life I simply wanted to share my private life with my friends in the hopes that they would mayhaps gain a better understanding of me and the work I do in the world but somehow it has morphed into something well beyond that and I often shy away from thinking about it overly much so it does not paralyze me into over analyzing everything and perhaps in turn inhibit my willingness to share. I still don't have much grasp on the 'shape' of it all but perhaps over time I eventually will. One thing that is for sure is that I actually like doing it all (especially the writing) and plan on continuing to share my little slice/wedge of reality in the future.
Anyway I better wrap this up, get on with my day and see what I can accomplish with the daylight I have available. I hope that everyone is doing well, has a nice day/night and thanks for being a part of my journey.
