My experience of visiting a "psychotherapist" - eerie story

It so happend that in a particular period of my life I came to a necessity to visit psychotherapist. I was really confused about bad mood for no reason, bad sleeping and generaly loosing any interest to life. I was lucky (or unlucky?) that one of my friends recomended me a specialist. So I wrote him a message in sonial network (yep, I have problems when it comes to social interractions, and it becomes ever worse when I need to make a call. I even don't like talking to the closest people in my life, even with my husband by phone, but when it comes to unfamiliar people it turnes into disaster). Ans he made me an appointment the day after, which was great, cause if he didn't I could change my mind really quickly.

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At the first meeting I was really confused. I yet didn't knew that he was a representative of the New Age school, I even didn't knew about it's existance. I expected something of a kind that I studyed at school or saw at movies. But I was so wrong... He was into esoterics, not into psychology. And into worst type of esoterics you can imagine. 

It was more or less OK during the first meeting, I even felt better, but... The more we met, the more I felt like I was doing something totally unhealthy.

Then he introduced me to tranformation games. Everything was less or more OK, but he was really pushy, insisted on my presence there. And if I said that I don't want to go, or I don't want to do something - the answer always was 

"Your ego resists!!!"

Wow, really? Who are you, Sigmund Freud? Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that could intercept my visit to the game (including work or illness) was treated like resistance of my ego. 

And also I was confused and still am with the concept that says that if something annoyes you in other person - you definitly have this character in yourself. OK, I love when everything is clean, can't stand dirt. So how can I have this if dirt annoyes me? I was proposed an explonation that these two are different ends of one stick. If to think so one can explain everything. But it looks really silly to me when it's elevated. OK, it can be true and it is true, but not so globaly.

Everything was only black or white to him. All the transformation games were always called "Super-powerfull". I mean all of them. Really? Neither of them is less powerfull? Mysterious statistics. 

I could continue, but I think my point is already clear. When I talk to someone I expect a dialog, not imposition of opinion considered to be the only correct one. When I talk to paid specialist I expect him to explain me what he's doing to me, on my language, especially when it comes to my psyche.

One more thing that alarmed me - hes attitude to women. His confidence that a woman can't have interests, and her greatest deed for all life must be childbearing. I'm not feminist. But I can't tolerate such an approach either. I remember him asking me "You didn't pay attention on your husband's intelligence when you chose him?" "Of course I did!", - I answered. "Stupid fool you're then", -he responded. WOW! Really? 

May be I was totally wrong that I chose not to seek for another terapist. May be not. OK, it helped a bit, but only in one way - I started harder seeking the ways to manage myself.

So, the conclusion is pretty simple:

It. Didn't. Help. 

You know what did?

• First - taking away all the trash from the appartment. No, really, I was cleaning and sorting everythinf for whole two weeks, for 20 hours a day. I was totally exhausted in the end, but I really felt reliefed.
• And the second - the gym. I had no will to drink anu pills to cure depression, but I remembered that sports causes endorfine production. So I made a great, really strong-willed effort and started to go there every day. In a week I had a funny result - I was instantly laughing while going back home from there. People may be thought I was mad, but I didn't care, it was already something.
• What else helped? Long walks with mu dog. REALLY long, for 5-7 hours a day. No need to say my dog was (and still is) super happy about it. 
• And whar else? Finding books that really can help. For me it were Yana Frank's and Julia Cameron's books. Where I can read with comfortable speed and think about what to do, to go threw all my "mind bugs" with the speed and duration I need, not someone thinks that "I need". 

And by the way, it was another creepy thing about my psycho the rapist psychotherapist. He was really insistant in some spheres where I feel uncomfortable. For example he tryed to put much effort into my "socialization". He had no idea that it wasn't a big deal for me to talk to people if I REALLY need to do it, I just get tired from that really quickly. I can't stand lond phone conversations ("long" means more then 30 seconds, it's more then enough to tell all the needed information), and I feel unconfortale and irritated when I'm involved into conversations about weather, or gossips about other people. He took it like a "bug" and started trying to fix it, completely ignoring what I really need. 

So, here's my story. A short version, I could continue writing examples, but... It was just about to share my experience. What I learned from it - there is a way to find the way. Anyway:)

Thank you for watching:)

Love, Inber