Bleep My Waiter Says dept - NSFW (language, no pics) - Guy's Work Blog, ch 2

last year

Does anyone remember back when Twitter was cool? 

Yeh, me neither.

BUT there was a pretty funny account on there that kept my attention awhile, called "Shit My Dad Says" ...

     https://twitter.com/shitmydadsays , and See the book on AMAZON.com
... where this 28 year-old guy (who had just moved back in with his father) got a huge following on Twitter simply posting every day the ummmm... well, the shit his dad said.

Ones that still stand out to me even though it's been years, include

 "I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it.
  I can get behind that." 

and 

 "That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women
 figure out why they won't screw you.  Don't do it for them." 

With quality content like that, it's no wondering the site got such a following, eh?

In fact, it even became a book (!) and if I'm not mistaken, the author Justin might have finally moved out of his Dad's house!


So anyways back to MY blog now (which is generally much cleaner in language btw, sorry about that)...

Bleep my waiter says could be a fun regular feature, eh?


I'll give it a go here :

So I'm waiting on this group of six the other day (aka "a six-top" on server parlance).

I of course ask the usual waiter chit-chatty "What brings you to Orlando?" thing that we do. The "alpha" explains to me that they are  Synagogue Administrators here for a convention. (That means they're all Jewish, for those that don't snap.) 


(Here's their next event in my hometown of Nashville January 2017!)

A minute later I'm going through a few appetizer recommendations for them - another thing we kind of have to do, as it creates sales, which equals income... Leading with my favorites, I all of a sudden find myself with this *sinking feeling* in my  gut, and thankfully, stop myself halfway through the SHRIMP description.


 IMAGE

("Dumbass!  Okay Quick!  Rebound!") and I somewhat apologetically say to them "...altho I guess that's probably not the *best* dish for me to be recommending to this crowd, huh?" 

They all politely laugh, and I probably earn a couple of points back at least, just for knowing that. At least I hope so. 

BUT THEN... 

Taking the drink order, one lady orders a Margarita, but then adds "No salt." 

Well, me definitely being the type of guy to push my luck, I don't even try to suppress my smile. She of course says "What?" 

Letting it hang there for jusssst a second longer, I reply,  "But... it's Kosher salt." 

They all fell out laughing! I finish with saying "Okay I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead now."

I walk away saying to myself "Denny Crainnn!!!" An hour later, they all tip me huge.
 

And that kids, is how it's done.


Guy's Work Blog : Chapter 2 "BLEEP my Waiter Says"

Stories about restaurant life, from my current & past  waiter/bartender jobs. WHAT THIS ISN'T: I'm not here to complain about  my guests, job, co-workers or tips. I'm not mentioning names, except  positively. I have around 25 years "in the biz," some fun stories to  tell, and at times some pretty unique life lessons to impart. Hopefully,  I'm both informing and entertaining you as I go.
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~ Not on Steemit? That's okay, "we serve your kind" HERE (FaceBook) -OR- get all 50+ Chapters via DAILY EMAILS : Contact GuyMalone@ProtonMail.com ~ Copyright Guy Malone 2016. All Rights Reserved.
 

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There ya go!