Holy Balls I'm Actually Writing a Book! Draft Part 1: You Need a Bargleflorf in Your Life
Bargleflorf (n) - A parcel of information which seems like gibberish at first glance, but can be a useful map for those seeking something beyond words
About twelve seconds ago, I was staring at the woodpecker outside my window, brainstorming about how to save a particularly robust species of naked apes from killing itself. This species, of which I am a member of (and maybe so are you) has found a way to satisfy its every desire, and boy do we have a lot of those. Our ability to radically alter the world around us to our will has created a ticking timebomb that we now all sit upon. It really is only a matter of time before something truly ridiculous happens to end the world as we know it.
Personally, if I were a betting man, I would be putting my money on a nuclear technician accidentally blowing up a third of the planet because he was distracted by his assistant's boobs. A fusion fuck up is only a dice throw away in the world of tomorrow.
As idea saplings danced in my head like gum drops, hoping to one day grow into an idea tree bearing the idea fruit to avoid such a future, a chipmunk popped out of some hole it had been burrowed in, hiding out of sight until that moment. Clearly an opportunist, the woodpecker immediately began pecking the chipmunk, presumably to the beat of coconuts as cartoons would have me believe. Seemingly unperturbed, the chipmunk just sat there, munching on the prized nut it clung onto tightly.
This holy vision lasted only a few seconds, but the synchronicity struck me on a deeper level than sanity should allow. Just a dozen feet from me, in perfect fractal harmony with itself, the universe was showing me everything this book needed to be: a reflection of the great cosmic joke. Some of you may know this simply as “existence.” This is a boring label, and should be spiced up whenever possible.
I thought, now minutes ago as any competent alchemist must take a moment to pace like an idiot when the universe is so kind with its visions, perhaps I am over thinking the solution I seek. I don't need to write a new bible to usher in a new age of humanity. Trust me, that's harder than it looks. There are a lot of things to consider and its one of those topics they don't have a Messianism for Dummies for yet.
No, the solution is so much simpler. I just need to reflect the madness of the world by shining the madness within myself. Like a mother bird, I must vomit into the mouth of the upcoming mystics and masters of the world the nourishment some daftly call wisdom. All anyone has is that which they've digested, and fate has been kind to gift me an array of interdasting experiences.
Thus, I present to you, intrepid wanderer of the cosmos, this bargleflorf. If everyone had a nice, steamy bargleflorf, then all the world’s problems would eventually disappear, for a bargleflorf is the perfect tool for saving the world. With each keystroke, I implant the hope that this cacophony of inanity can reflect back to you all the tools you are already in possession of but have forgotten about on our collective journey commonly referred to as the human condition.
In fact, this should be toted as the first rule of alchemy. I should write this down. I have a tendency to create chaos if I am not mindful to intentionally create order:
Alchemical Rule 0: You already have all the tools you need for any form of enlightenment, alchemical or otherwise
I am so pumped to read the whole book!