Silenced
Silenced
Acrylic Paint on Sanitary Pad
2018
Dear diary,
Today was a tiring day. I got up from bed and realized it's my first day of period again. I'm not feeling well but I need to go to school because we need to discuss things for our school project.
While walking to school, these group of guys called me "bitch".. again.. I'm not sure why. I'm clearly a human, not a dog. Do these guys need some glasses? Not sure. I just continued walking even though I can hear them whistling.
While Mr. Bald was discussing, I felt pain in my tummy. Oh right, menstrual cramps. I said to myself 'I can endure this'. But no, it got really painful that I asked if I could go home. He said I'm just exaggerating things cos that is 'just a period cramp come on it's not like you're going to die!'. Well, I felt like dying. But I had to ignore it because my grades are more important than me.
In my Biology class, we discussed about the reproductive system. It was nice. I learned a lot of wonders that the female body has. Everybody was amazed, even the boys. I didn't even know there are lots of amazing things going on inside my body every month. I felt relieved knowing that I should be proud because I can carry a baby! Maybe 10 years from now I'll be able to experience that.
While I was arranging my books on the shelf, I noticed the boys laughing at me. I don't know why but they were laughing at my butt. Until I found some blood stains on it. 'Eeewww' they said. But why were they laughing? I thought they know it's normal and that the female body is amazing? I don't get it....
After I removed the stain from my skirt, I sat down and played with my Rubik's cube. I got distracted when I heard Charlie and his friends laugh at the phone. 'Yes bitch, swallow it!'. Swallow? The what? I looked at them and I realized they were watching pornography. Weird. They laugh and feel disgusted with period but would ask the girl to swallow it? Boys are complicated sometimes...
In our Home Economics class, I and my groupmates discussed the group project for finals. Our project is to cook using different recipes. John assigned me as the one who will cook the food. Well, I wanted to go to the grocery and help them buy the ingredients and the materials to decorate the table as well. But he stopped me and said 'You're going to cook because you belong to the kitchen! You cannot carry the things we buy because you're weak.'. Oh, that hurt me. I know I can help them with choosing the right tools and materials but I guess I have to accept because he is the leader, even though nobody elected him.
So I went home with a heavy heart. I went to the bathroom to change my sanitary pad. As I stared at the blood, I asked myself is there anything that I should be ashamed of? People enjoy watching bloody movies but they will hate you when they see a stain of blood on your butt. Why? Is this a sign of weakness? I don't get it. I'm still 14 and I have a lot of things to learn. I hope someday when I am bigger I will understand.
-A.
PS: Just kidding, it's not paint. It's real blood.
Wew! Quite the story. Loved the way how you addressed the people with common John Doe names. Men can be assholes. Glad that it wasn't a firsthand experience for you! Nevertheless, I hope the similar one at least is without the "looking down on women" vibe!
Smart fucker.
There was one point in my life where I became a man hater 100%. I didn't understand why, but now it makes sense to me since the doctor who caused me my PTSD is a man. LOL. So yeah, men can be assholes. Eeeerrmmmm yeah the 'looking down' part... I have experienced that, and it's still here tbh. lol. But it's easier to just prove them what you are capable of than trying to punch them all :D
Damn, I have period today and it seriously should be accepted as normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Especially for young girls, who are sensitive of constant body changes. Luckily for me I never felt overly sensitive about period (was never teased for it either), but I was ashamed of my pointy breasts. I wore tight sport bras, but now I can't stand any bras. I can't breathe in them and they give me headaches.
We are still so behind on teaching kids respect, empathy and understanding
Aaw, nobody should be ashamed of anything going on with our body. Sad that we go through this. I remember when I was 11, I witnessed one of my female classmates dropped her used sanitary pad (We were camping). The boys saw it and they laughed so hard. She was so embarrassed that all she did was cry the whole night. It was back in 2007 I think. I hope things like these will be lessened since it is already 2018.
Wear whatever you are comfortable of. :D
You are a genius
We all have similar experiences, only that some dare to tell them without being ashamed.
Someday I will tell you about a similar experience is not mine but it is very similar to yours.
Oh, this is not a firsthand experience of mine. I just wrote it based on the experiences of others. I did not experience the exact things happened in there, but a very similar one. Would love to hear that story!
yeah right...
This has never happened to me, I'm really afraid for my health =(
Haha, aaww. You're fine bro. Don't be sad now :D
Well done, nice job speaking your mind.
I hope that I can raise my son to not be the kind of guy who ... would do/say those sorts of things.
Thank you! I know your son will be understanding and creative as well when he grows up, just like you.
Such powerful post, Hiddi. Only you makes post like this.
Glad I grew up with a younger sister, or else I might have been one of those stupid young boys. I was still stupid but much less so lol.
Haha, thank you! I do hope I could make a small difference in posting things like this. Heh, be a good bro to your sis always okay. :P
So very well written, definitely reads like a diary entry in a 14 years old girl's life. Wonderful, well paced, and descriptive <3 <3 <3
And,... and, relatable ; __ ;
Thank you Spidey :D
Glad I was able to effectively take the role of being a 14 year old here. I do write diaries before. But when you grow up it's just quite difficult to think back on how a 14 year old girl would think lol. Almost everyone relates huhu T_T
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Damn, the art and the text is amazing. The high school is harder than the people think. Understand what's happening with your body and be ashamed of (not for you, but for others) is a teenager nightmare.
Thank you! Yeah, I agree! Lot's of confusions and frustrations during those times!