Heart Pangs.
On my way home from work today I got the typical call from my trio. We're at the club now, had a good day at school, miss you, see you soon!
But then after getting on the bus and getting nearly home I got another call from Inari. "Mama I forgot to tell you, I need kite string for the picnic at school tomorrow."
Oh. Oh gods.
So, I went home, dropped my stuff off and turned right around to get back on the bus.
I'm at the transit station, nearly 6:30 at night waiting for the bus that will take me up the hill so I can find a store that sells kite string.
My children are my life. And it isn't their fault I don't have a car to just go for a last minute school need.
So tonight they stay at the Boy's and Girl's Club while I listen to a mentally ill woman go on and on about being with the devil.
It's sad, I miss my kids, haven't seen them in 12 hours.
It's a melancholy type of day I guess. At work our old home in Two Harbors kept coming to mind. The Lupine growing and the trails and beaches we spent hours together on.
Many nostalgia. Much feels. My goal is to go back to such a life. But it's hard to be patient when missing it physically hurts.
All I can do is keep promising myself. Someday. Someday my girls can stay home with me and homeschool again. Someday I will walk through my own land and wiggle my toes in the dirt.
Someday we won't have to spend hours and hours separated from each other to appease Capitalism.
Someday.
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Hugs to you. 💙
You will definitely get there. Until then, be encouraged and do what you have to do to care for the littles. So proud of how far you have come, and praying for you all.
I also hate such requests from the school, it's totally unreasonable. Certainly it would be easier to fullfil such requests if having a car, but that's besides the point.
The total cost is staggering - think of 20 parents each separately going out spending minimum 45 minutes on searching for a kite string and buying it - plus fuel costs, bus tickets etc. It would be much easier with one person buying 20 strings at once.
Even more important, it's a given that some kids will come to school without the kite string. Bad for them, and totally unavoidable.
An analogy from our kindergarten, it was a (relatively) big kinder garden, a building in the middle and a fenced garden around the building. Entrances to the building at both sides, but only one gate in the fence - facing the parking. We live on the other side, and the metro is also at the other side. I believe it's valuable to teach the kids walking from a young age - but the last stretch just the trip around the kinder garden was really annoying. It could easily take ten minutes.
In the winter time and shoulder seasons the standard outdoor clothing (for employees and children in the kinder garden) is an overall - slightly water tight clothing, well-insulated in the winter time, thinner variants used in the shoulder seasons. In the previous kinder gardens I've had experience with there was drying facilities. The children play quite much in the sand, so the clothing tend to become a bit muddy as well. I've experienced kinder gardens cleaning children with a water hose before they were allowed to enter the wardrobe. However, in this kindergarten the employees would stuff sandy, wet clothing directly into a plastic bag and tie it up. It was absolutely horrible.
So, in addition to holding the hands of the two young tired children and occasionally carry them home, I also had to carry two bags with wet sandy clothes, take it home, clean it, dry it and carry it back to the kindergarten the next day.
happy family always
I could only imagine how difficult it is to be a single Mom raising 3 children without a vehicle...you have incredible strength my Sister... I love you so much. Hopefully through STEEM we can create more ease and peace in your guys' lives <3 <3 <3 I have your back, always. Thank you for the authenticity, vulnerability and baring of your soul here. The world needs more like you!
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I've followed your posts for a while now & enjoy reading them. You have plenty to deal with, I'm not here to criticize. But Capitalism is not your problem & Capitalism is not the problem of any of the rest of the struggling Americans. It's also possible to just skip the kite string. You went back as a choice- your choice. And Yes- when school request stuff, you could introduce to your kids the mindset- that it is not always necessary to do WHAT the school asks.
By the way, that post some time back, that you put up about the CREEPY GUY as a first date you let into your new apartment- The New Apartment you had trouble getting with the KIDS Father leaving you high & dry & the report to DCFS from Busybodies when you where living in your camper - shows a real lack of JUDGMENT on your part. Just fresh on the heels of being abandoned by the kids father- go look for a NEW Relationship to JUMP INTO- without taking time out for introspection. And Great Inviting Strange men over to your House, where your kids live- instead of meeting them at say a coffee shop.
(You had every right to live in peace in your camper & homeschool your kids. Being reported on to DCFC, the government interference & the school asking for kite sting is not the FAult of capitalism or a free society. Neither of which America has- we are neither Free nor Capitalism in America)
I'll leave you be in peace now & stop following.
That's incredibly judgemental. First of all, their father and I separated years ago. You have zero right to judge me based on that. I don't remember ever even speaking about their father other than to mention that he is not in the picture.
I was not "jumping into a new relationship".
Second, my kids were not home with me when I met that person. I was not intending to invite him in, we were going to go hang out at the park BUT MY DOG PEED ON HIM. So I tried to help clean him up with vinegar water.
And the capitalism I was refering to had nothing to do with the kite string and everything to do with wanting my own place so I don't have to work such long hours to pay rent.
Last, yes, I know it was my choice to go, I don't want to disappoint my child! He already has to go to picnic day as one of the only kids who's parent won't be there because I need to pay rent. He's going to AT LEAST have the damned kite string!
If this is the way you treat people I am perfectly okay with you going along your way. Leave me be, and leave other people be, too. Nobody needs to be attacked like that. Petty as fuck.
Yes I am Petty As Fuck, Because YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE SAYS. That makes the other person Judgemental & petty as fuck- as you put it. You just went a whole nightmare, being left high & dry by the kids father & you specifically mentioned the relationship you had been in with some man- he abruptly left you, the kids & the state. You were reported to DCFC for the NON-Crime of living in a trailer & ordered by an intrusive Government Official to go to a Homeless Shelter or they threatened to take your kids away. You wrote about struggling to get into an apartment and being separated from your dog. ALL OF THAT SOUNDS like a small NIGHTMARE. That sounds like an incredibly stressful situation and string of events for a single mother with what appeared to be LITTLE to no Support system.
And instead of taking a breather with yourself & your kids once you get your new apartment. YOU WROTE THAT YOU PROMPTLY HAD A FIRST DATE WITH SOME GUY YOU BARELY KNEW.
That Makes me Judgemental & Petty as Fuck to point that out. Not to mention that you a single mother with young kids had a STRANGE MAN meet you at your HOME ADDRESS instead of a coffee shop Very Judgemental for me to point that out. The Guy turned out to be a CREEP- as YOU WROTE. Probably better off not having CREEPY STRANGE MEN Know your Home Address, what with that all encompassing CONCERN you have for your kids. But for you to stop and have 1 moment of INTROSPECTION on your own actions, to consider that makes me Judgemental.
So you taught your kids that for them to spend time with complete strangers at an after school club & you on the public bus to get Kite string- to keep up appearances at school- is more important than skipping the kite string & you being with the kids.
I am well aware the kite string was not what you were referring to with CAPITALISM. One reason you might work such long hours to pay the RENT might have to do with the SOCIALISTIC or MONOPOLISTIC Regulatory Policies placed on Propertyowners. One Reason why you might be PAID so LITTLE at your job is BECAUSE of MONOPOLISTIC Corporate & Government Controls, which is not a FREE MARKET.
Or it could just be you have no Valuable Workplace skills & combined with your INABILITY to SELF REFLECT or have any INTROSPECTION on your own life & actions and telling Others they PETTY AS FUCK when you didn't like what they say- LIMITS you to LOW PAY.
I've known many women similar to you through-out my life.
Good Luck in the future with giving out your HOME ADDRESS to strange men you don't know. Because as a Bleeding Heart Mother whose EVERY thought is on her KIDS well being, that shows GREAT JUDGEMENT. But then again I'm just being petty as fuck.
The fact that you were so quick to go on a blind date during such a Nightmare Time- shows your TENDENCY for Escapism. But that there would be a real example of me being JUDGEMENTAL.
They've been going to the club for months now. They aren't strangers. It isn't about "appearances" it's so my kid can fly the kite he worked so hard to make.
Okay, I guess I did mention him.
The man who abruptly left state was their father. Back in 2015. Literally the only person I have ever been with.
But I can't go on one single date when I'm feeling happy about my life coming together because it hurts your delicate sense of propriety?
And I went to Nursing School. So YES. YOU ARE AN OVERLY JUDGEMENTAL PERSON who makes assumptions and knows NOTHING.
What kind of person comes across a post like this, sees a person having an off, bad day and goes on the attack? Is it the computer screen making you brave?
I'm not even going to respond to you anymore. You aren't worth the effort. You have some anger issues lady.
You can proper fuck off.
I am not going on the attack,. I have your posts since you first started on steemit. You chose to post your life stories and photos of your kids. you made that decision. I finally after months of reading made 1 comment, you did not like & you call that an attack. That is not an attack, that is a difference of opinion. Congrats on the nursing school. Many people go & never finish. are you a nurse or did you just take a few classes & never finish? I did not say you were stupid I made a reference to possibly not having the work skills that pay high wages. If you did not finish nursing school, then it would mean little in the workplace. As far as dating, by all means it's your go date if you want. I made a reference to the TIMING of a BLIND DATE. That TIMING being on the heels of you just having gone thru a mini-nightmare & perhaps that was not GOOD TIMING to be hitting the Date scene, especially with a complete STRANGER.
You are the one who chose to Post your story & kids photos all over the internet for the ENTIRE WORLD to see. When after some months, one of your regular readers posts a comment you don't like you construe it as being in your words "Petty as fuck" and an "Attack."
You think I have a delicate sense of propriety? You Know nothing about me.
I think in general that there is too much agreement and flattery and too few arguments and discussions on Steem. From this perspective it was refreshing reading your comment. Anyway, it shows a total lack of fingerspitzgefuhl.
I don't mind a respectful disagreement. I fully accept that not everyone in this world is going to be a fan. I don't need them to be, I'm not some ego maniac.
This wasn't just a disagreement. This is someone that retained information they took offense to in order to use it months later as ammunition in a tirade that has NOTHING to do with the current post.
I'm all for a good debate. Sometimes they're even fun. This was spewed vitriol.
It was not a tirade. I took no offense at anything you wrote. I never spewed vitriol at you. I never wrote you were an ego maniac. I never retained information to use as ammunition.
You made a choice to write about your life. As a long time reader of your posts, someone who enjoyed reading your posts, I finally after many months of reading them made 1 COMMENT that you did not like.
You blew it out of the water. That shows a person, who for whatever reason can not handle anyone- even a complete stranger on the internet 1 time expressing a view different from yours.
That is what this whole thing is. It clearly demonstrates to me certain things.
Things- that TO YOU- in your mind are Taken a COMPLETELY Different way.
You have absolutely no idea what a respectful disagreement is.
I don't know what fingerspitzgefuhl means. Probably not meant as something nice. Which is fine. I respect your opinion.
This response you just posted - in my Old fashioned, intolerant judgemental ways, seem to find this type of response you just posted, WHAT a Mature Well Thinking Human who disagrees with someone would post.
You need to get a life @caladium. Maybe if you had some passions or interests of your own you wouldn't feel the need to do shit like this.
I have a life, expressing an opinion 1 x after months of reading a post is not being judgmental or doing "shit" as you put it.
And furthermore, pointing out to a SINGLE MOTHER of YOUNG KIDS, that it is NEVER a GOOD IDEA to HAve Blind Dates Meet at Your House (even if it's just the Front Door) - IS CALLED GOOD ADVICE! That is not being Judgemental or someone who needs a life. ANY SINGLE MOTHER OF YOUNG KIDS should NEVER give their HOME ADDRESS to a BLIND DATE- Period.
Especially if that woman lives ALONE with her kids & has no extended relatives in the house with her. Perhaps you should get your blinders off.
Okay, well I've known Hickory for almost a decade (compared to your months). Don't judge others until you've walked a mile in their shoes. It's so much easier to just spew opinions than actually have compassion and empathy (being able to put yourself in others' shoes).
She's been through more than you could ever know (from the couple months you've known her based on what she's shared on the blockchain) and is one of the most caring, compassionate and big hearted women I know. She advocates for the weak and helpless. She lifts others up instead of tearing them down. She's one of my heroes.
I've never claimed to KNOW EVERYTHING ABout the woman. I am Not Insinuating she is not a Decent Person or a Capable Person. n fact she showed how Capable she was by quickly maneuvering herself out of that situation instead of letting it spiral into something worse. But to express an opinion to disagree with her on that issue & on CAPITALISM is not an attack. And to express differing OPINIONS is not TEARING SOMEONE DOWN.
Well, your opinion is bullshit.
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To which you are fully entitled to your opinion, just as I am to mine. The emoji poop you posted next yo the photo of what I assume are your kids, IS REAL CLASSY. How's that for my opinion?
Keep posting the POOP EMOJI's - You ARE A REAL CLASSLY ACT!
Well, as my son would say, you're poopy.
That's alot nicer than what I would have said.
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