Sometimes, You Are The Kind Of Help That We Are Looking For.

Truthfully, simply telling a depressed or suicidal person to ASK FOR HELP or SEEK HELP, will sometimes not help them—us.

Sorry.

Sorry if we make you feel like we're some kind of a special specie that needs a special kind of attention. But you see, for us, it's HARD ENOUGH to accept the reason of our depression, so we are hoping you will understand that those reasons would torture us if we try to talk about it.

Ever wonder why most of us never talk to anyone? Or never "seek for help"? For every 100 person that we get along with, how many of them are willing to really talk to us? Not just to listen but to really reach out and tell us “Hey, the trees produce oxygen so you can stay alive, don't make them quit their jobs”, or “When I was younger I thought the moon was following me, did you had the same perspective?”

Probably 98% of you will say, "everything is gonna be okay." But how do we know it will be? Some of you will say "I know how you feel," how? You never fought the battles the same way we did. Even your worst experiences will never motivate us.

If you see us as a hypocrite burden, think twice. Think about those times when we laughed out with you so hard, you thought we were the most cheerful human being you've ever seen. Those times when we talked to you about positive things, and gave advises like we were the strongest person on earth, yet you didn't had any clue that we were not okay, that every smile hurts us, that each time we bit our lip, it was because we wanted to stop our tears. Think about those days when we hang out with you, those days when you thought we lived a happy life, yet deep within we wanted to stop everything. To stop thinking about it, to stop remembering, to stop hurting.

Some of us suffer with severe headache and tried to pop medicine in our mouth to lessen the pain, some of us just put our headphones on and turn the volume up so we won't hear our thoughts, some of us drew our depression, some of us wrote about it. Did you think we never helped ourselves? Before we became stupid and burden in your eyes, we tried SO HARD to fight everything, we gave our best to stop the hurting, we did our best to convince ourselves that there were better ways than stop our breathing. We tried. We failed.

Sometimes, comforting words hurt us even more. You don't know what to do? We don't too. Sometimes all we want is for you to stay there and talk, to make us feel like we exist, that we weren't ignored. Just stay. Because one of these days, we will cry so hard, we will breakdown, we will ask you a lot of questions, like; "Why? How could this happen? How could they do that?" And you don't have to answer, you could just tell us to hush, and maybe we will tell you why we wanted to die, even if there are too many good reasons to stay alive. You don't have to get a degree of psychology, nor be an expert to REALLY HELP. Sometimes you—who kept on telling us to SEEK HELP—are the help that we need.

You may think that you don't know how to help, or you're not sure if what you'll say will be enough to stop someone from hanging or cutting themselves, but trust me, every little thing you do is big enough because you tried. Sometimes all we need is to feel like there's this one person out of 7 Billion population in this world that would be ready for our breakdowns, someone that will never give up on us when we're on the edge of giving up on ourselves.

I'm sorry. We are just afraid of a lot of things, and we need someone we could look in the eyes with and see that no matter what, we will never be alone. Someone who won't just tell us "you're not alone" but make us feel like there's someone who wants us to keep going.

No, it will never be okay. There will always be a part of us that will be sad, regardless if we have moved on. As long as we have our memories, we will feel those pain again and again. But if we could, finally, accept what happened, we will never find enough reasons to take our precious lives away, not even those pains. From those experiences, we will learn to control our emotions and help a lot of depressed person. We are just hurt and afraid for now, and sorry if what we did weren't enough to stop our own depressions. Sorry if we had to have you to get through. Bear with us. Don't give up on us.