Forgiveness

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To err is human, to forgive divine.

A statement most times easily said than done.

How often have we made that statement ‘’I will never forgive’'. How often have we thought it and in actions too have stood stoically by it and have had forgiveness as far from our minds as even the thought of reconciliation.

How often do we stick to our guns, lips tight, stance firm, refusing all apologies from those who have given offense and all entreaties from friends, relations and well meaning people falling on our already closed ears?. Often have we sworn that even if the good Lord himself came down from heaven on account of the offense, we would be hard pressed to give him an ear or the time of day.

Almost all of us have given offense at one point or the another during the course of our lives. None of us are exempt. Despite this fact often pointed out to us by those eager to make us see reason, we maintain our stance, plead guilty and yet still stand so condemned of the offense of carrying our anger and pain sometimes even to the grave.

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The question that begs asking is “What is so unforgivable"?

Is it our spouses more than occasional bouts of infidelity?

Is it our best friends betrayal of the absolute trust we placed in them ?

Is it a brother’s cruelty and maltreatment of children we placed in his care?

Is it the attempt on our lives by someone that was like our second half?

What exactly do we find so unforgivable?

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Sometimes when asked this, victims of cruelty justify their refusal by saying that the pain had to be felt before one could understand why it was so difficult to forgive. In other words, the extent of the pain justified the length of time it took to come to that state of grace called forgiveness.

It is true that there are some hurts that simply do not go away. It is also true that there are some hurts that even if God came down to beg, we would be hard pressed to ask him come back another day.

Yet we cannot take away the pain or take away the past from whence it came. But one thing we have the power to do is to heal the hurt. The irony of it all is that healing does not come by way of apologies , no matter how contrite from those who offend. It comes from the simple act of forgiving those who offend us. We do more harm to ourselves than we could ever think possible when we refuse to forgive those who have caused us pain.

We add more injury to an already inflicted pain. For as long as we refuse to forgive , for as long as we equally remember the pain, that long will we continue to hurt, that long will the wound continue to fester and grow, not on them who inflicted the hurt but on us who have been hurt.

The first cut was inflicted by another. In remembering and refusing to forgive, subsequent cuts become self inflicted, the pain no less sometimes even more than what was felt the first time around.

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Truth be told, the pain will never go away. It will remain your constant companion , with every breath you take. Your only way out is simply to let it go.

Let go of the anger. Let go of the pain. As long as you hold on to these , that long will you shackle yourself to a past that holds no good memories and is guaranteed to make you bitter and sour. For those whose offense was deliberate, by refusing to forgive them, you place in their hands the key to the prison that keeps you shackled. In the same vein, you barricade yourself, your being against all intrusion and inadvertently close the doors to possibilities and opportunities that would have come your way but for your self-imposed barrier. This is how it goes. We become defensive and offensive sometimes when we remember past hurts. Even towards those who bear no blame.

We become wary and suspicious of people whom we have no cause to be that with. Inadvertently we punish those who have given no offense and in refusing to forgive those who have offended us, we are in turn refusing to forgive those whom we have no reason to forgive as they have in no way offended us.

The spirit of forgiveness lies in the heart of those who understand this. For truly is a man chained by self when he refuses to forgive and let bygones be just that.

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