I DONT BELONG HERE

I have never hidden or pretended about the fact that I feel trapped in a body marked with an identity as a Nigerian.
It's been a decade long identity crisis, it's been between the ideal, where I'd love to be, what I'd love to do and what I can afford to do. It's been a problem of means than motivation to 'not be'.
I have never liked it as a Nigerian. This is not as a result of a complex, meeting people of other cultures or any of that sort. Ever since I was a teenager, I have always felt uneasy with an environment filled with so much chaos, 'anyhowness', mediocrity and a culture of settling for anything, an environment where excellence and the desire to always do better is a luxury.
Here, if you're not battling with something, something is battling you. I was not meant to be a Nigerian.
I would prefer to be a salary earner anywhere else, living a quiet, happy and organized life with family than being a business owner and every blessed day of my life is a battle with mediocrity. I am not particularly in pursuit of being a billionaire, I just want to be happy, this has always been the reason I work.
I was not created for this environment, I feel trapped in a body marked with the identity, Nigerian.
I should have gone for good when the opportunity presented itself but I thought I was keeping faith, no it's not faith, it's a faulty premise built on self blackmail.
It's why I jump on any opportunity right now to be away from here even for 24hrs. It's the urge to go live, to go be and to do.
I don't belong here. No need pretending.