I did not see my dad again until my uncle called to tell me my father was on his death bed. Sadly, I am the only one out of his family and friends who showed up to be with him. My younger sister did go with me, but he is not her father. I felt a great sadness that no one else showed up. Although, I was sure it was due to bridges he had burned.
I did not recognize him when we entered the room. A pastor was sitting with him; I glanced at the man in the bed, assumed my dad was in the next bed and went to look. The pastor seen the confusion on my face and asked me who I was looking for. I said my dad’s name and the pastor replied that he was the man I had passed by.
I was in a bit of disbelief but I bent over to get a closer look and I did then see the familiarity in his face. He was much thinner and older than I had ever seen him look. I felt badly for not recognizing him but he looked very little like the man I remembered.
I was told a heart attack and a few strokes had their toll on him. He had little use of his left side and he was not able to speak, although he did try when he seen me. He was also diabetic and had a foot that was starting to blacken.
I will never know what dad was trying to say to me that day but I know he knew it was me. When he focused on me I seen his eyes light up and he tried to smile. The pastor said that was the most response he had seen out of my dad in the time he was sitting with him. The nurse I had spoken to before entering his room said he had not been responsive all day. I am glad he knew I was there, although, I have often wondered if dad thought it was a dream.
If I had of known he was in a nursing home, I would have been happy to watch over his care. I would have even been willing to go visit him. None of that mattered when it came right down to it though. All I could do then was be there and hold his hand. So that is what I did until he passed away.
I did not expect to but I broke down after he passed. My father opted to be cremated and I have his ashes. Before I tell you this next park, I need to remind you that I did inherit dad’s twisted sense of humor.
I brought dad’s ashes into the house, sat them on the table. I let out a big sign and told him that he had won. After all, I made it clear that he was never coming back into my home, yet there he sat.
His ashes are still here. I have part of them in a heart locket and the rest in what resembles wine bottles. Three to be exact; I had no clue how big a container for ashes needed to be. Honestly, all things considered, I think the bottles were very fitting.
The bottles of ashes will remain with me until I decide what to do with them. There are a few options in mind. The one that stands out to me is seeing if I can bury them in my dad’s father’s grave.
My grandfather had custody of my father until he passed when my dad was ten years old. I think it might be fitting to reunite them if I am allowed to do so.
In conclusion, I have to say that his death really has not been that hard on me. Certainly not in the same way Mom's death has been. I guess, that is what happens when someone does not make themselves a valued part of your life.
That's a beautful set up with the ashes.
Down the line I would be interested in hearing what u decide to do with them.
I certainly Believe your dad knew it was you and was having a lucid moment. I work in healthcare and have seen the lucid moments occurring only when family members come in. {{Hugs}} to you. ❤
Thank you. I want to document what I do with them. My grandfather is buried in KY. It's an odd situation because a family has been allowed to buy the land the graveyard he is in sits on.
I had planned to find out how to reach them and plan a trip to see the grave yard this past summer. Just to get a feel of the people and see what I think of how they would feel about it. Plus, I would like to see my grandfathers grave.
But, my mom fell ill and passed away, so I was not able to do it. I am hoping to make some progress next summer. I've heard the family is pretty good about letting people go to the grave yard but you do have to ask first.
What I am not sure about are the laws since it is private property now. They may not want me to disturb the grave by burying dad's ashes. I won't know until I meet them and ask though.
Thank you Paul! And thank you for being the 1st to nominate it for the muxxybot challenge. I tried to thank everyone in the steemusa chat yesterday but I think it got buried. (I helped bury it.) lol
When he focused on me I seen his eyes light up and he tried to smile. The pastor said that was the most response he had seen out of my dad in the time he was sitting with him.
I really believe he knew it was you and that it wasn't a dream. I've sat with someone who was dying and there is a thing that sometimes happens where they become more lucid.
I was a CNA for 10 years, I felt like he did know it was me too. It wasn't long before he slipped back into his more unconscious state. It probably exhausted him to try speaking like he did.
He was the pastor who frequented that nursing home. I think he volunteered his time. I don't think they realized dad had any family because even the only brother he has left alive, did not go to see him. It was a friend of dad's, that let my uncle know.
I was told the only contact person dad had was that friend but even he did not show up.
I would love that sometime! I know what you mean. I have my hands full with Hubby yet. He has pneumonia and I've already made another Dr appointment for in the morning.
I think that is part of it for me, I do have an inner peace about it all. I think it's because I know I always did the right thing, even when it had to be protect me and my family.
Despite it all, I do have a few nice memories. He always had lemon drops in his car and I loved them. Although, I can't stand the taste of lemon aid. He would take me for motorcycle rides and despite everything he had wrong with him he never put me in danger when doing it. I even remember a trip to the zoo with him, although I can't say rather it was before my parents split or not. (I have some pretty early memories.)
I am so glad to have the chance to read your story! It is very touching, heart warming that he had you at the end, and heart-wrenching to know the experience you had gone through! xxoo
I don't think I could admire you any more than I do. To give a person compassion and dignity at the end is what matters most to me.
Nothing else does. ((Hugs)) I am so proud of the human being you are. xo
Upped and Steemed tip!!
PS... You must read part one and two!
Thank you so much Denise! ((Hugs))
XOXO
the feeling of love you have lived in is very strong,
and I admired
you are perfect
I am far from perfect but thank you. :)
you are unfair to yourself. You're so sweet
That's a beautful set up with the ashes.
Down the line I would be interested in hearing what u decide to do with them.
I certainly Believe your dad knew it was you and was having a lucid moment. I work in healthcare and have seen the lucid moments occurring only when family members come in. {{Hugs}} to you. ❤
Thank you. I want to document what I do with them. My grandfather is buried in KY. It's an odd situation because a family has been allowed to buy the land the graveyard he is in sits on.
I had planned to find out how to reach them and plan a trip to see the grave yard this past summer. Just to get a feel of the people and see what I think of how they would feel about it. Plus, I would like to see my grandfathers grave.
But, my mom fell ill and passed away, so I was not able to do it. I am hoping to make some progress next summer. I've heard the family is pretty good about letting people go to the grave yard but you do have to ask first.
What I am not sure about are the laws since it is private property now. They may not want me to disturb the grave by burying dad's ashes. I won't know until I meet them and ask though.
Thank you, Deb for sharing this with us. Its a raw and powerful way of writing and I really respect how you do it.
Thank you Paul! And thank you for being the 1st to nominate it for the muxxybot challenge. I tried to thank everyone in the steemusa chat yesterday but I think it got buried. (I helped bury it.) lol
Congratulations. This post is featured in today's Muxxybot Curation Post.https://steemit.com/curation/@muxxybot/muxxybot-curation-51
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Thank you so much @gniksivart
This part got to me -
I really believe he knew it was you and that it wasn't a dream. I've sat with someone who was dying and there is a thing that sometimes happens where they become more lucid.
Was the pastor your dad's pastor?
That look alone, made me glad that I went.
I was a CNA for 10 years, I felt like he did know it was me too. It wasn't long before he slipped back into his more unconscious state. It probably exhausted him to try speaking like he did.
He was the pastor who frequented that nursing home. I think he volunteered his time. I don't think they realized dad had any family because even the only brother he has left alive, did not go to see him. It was a friend of dad's, that let my uncle know.
I was told the only contact person dad had was that friend but even he did not show up.
I'm glad for both of you that you shared the end. And that you are sharing these moments.
Despite it all, you came out a wonderful person even with that "twisted sense of humor" which I like..so there!! xoxo
I'm glad you like it, I get plenty of strange looks for my sense of humor. lol :D
Lol..I can relate to that!! = )
I'll have to hit you up on discord but not tonight..not feeling great so going to bed!! Night!!
I would love that sometime! I know what you mean. I have my hands full with Hubby yet. He has pneumonia and I've already made another Dr appointment for in the morning.
Sending well wishes!!
I don't know what I can say to you, other than you didn't let a dead beat father pull you down too.
Thanks @manorvillemike
I love what you said in the ending, and you are a GREAT daughter, despite all. I hope you have inner peace knowing that you did all that you could.
Such a sad story, and I am sorry that you had to go through that, but WITH GRACE!!!! I admire your selfless love for him!
I think that is part of it for me, I do have an inner peace about it all. I think it's because I know I always did the right thing, even when it had to be protect me and my family.
Despite it all, I do have a few nice memories. He always had lemon drops in his car and I loved them. Although, I can't stand the taste of lemon aid. He would take me for motorcycle rides and despite everything he had wrong with him he never put me in danger when doing it. I even remember a trip to the zoo with him, although I can't say rather it was before my parents split or not. (I have some pretty early memories.)
Thank you so much @icybc
I am so glad to have the chance to read your story! It is very touching, heart warming that he had you at the end, and heart-wrenching to know the experience you had gone through! xxoo
Thank you. I use to play around with the idea of writing a book but I think I'm better telling it a little bit at a time. :)