A Game of Thrones Story- The Dragonstone Mixup

This is an excerpt of some rejected screenplay that was leaked from the HBO hack.

Daenerys has just awoken from a bad dream about "the drogonator" in the middle of the night. She gets out of bed, puts her slippers on, and heads down the hall toward the kitchen.

Daenerys: Dracaris! ... Dracaris! oh shit that doesn't work on torches.

She enters the kitchen to find Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister sitting at the table in the breakfast nook eating leftovers

Tyrion: ... and that was the second time I had crabs. Oh my queen! Didn't see you there, whatever are you doing up at this hour?

Daenerys: Well I had that dream about Drogo again, you know the one. puts her hand to her throat and pantomimes gagging, rolls her eyes, and walks to the refrigerator

Daenerys: Is there any of that potato salad left.... oh.

She locks eyes with Jon Snow just as he raises the last spoonful of potato salad towards his mouth

Jon Snow: Sorry, uh... you know, we didn't have any potatoes on the wall. The uh... army of the dead was...

Daenerys: yeah, yeah, the army of the dead, I know. I doubt they have a giant crossbow. And didn't you say the white walkers were made of ice or something? Have you seen my dragons?

Jon continues chewing the potato salad.

Tyrion: (clearing his throat) Well, dragons or no dragons, I want to know what the hell these guys want, I mean what's their end game? "We're cold, we'll kill you, we don't talk..." like, what's their motivation? They've gone to an awful amount of trouble. If you go to that amount of trouble for something you must have some goals. Once they've killed everything, what will they do with their spare time?

Jon Snow: (giggling) Make snow angels?

Tyrion: Haha. Your mother was a snow angel. (Jon glares back at him)

Jon Snow: Oh yeah, just for that I'm not going to show you the dragonglass pipe I made.

Tyrion: Come on man, I'm the one that gave you the idea!

Jon Snow: (laughing) Oh by the way, my queen, I've been thinking of that whole bending the knee thing. I'm still undecided. In fact, I'm not sure what it means.

Daenerys: What what means?

Jon Snow: Bending the knee.

Daenerys: It means you pledge your loyalty to me as your queen. (looks at Tyrion and points to Jon while mouthing the word idiot)

Jon Snow: Well look, I have a better idea. (walks over to Daenerys and leans against the wall giving her "the look" and putting out "the vibe")

Jon Snow: I've seen the way you and your dragons look at me. I know what you're feeling, and believe me, I'm feeling it too. (he takes the glass of milk out of her hand and puts it on the counter) How about tonight, we make things nice and easy. (he takes her hand) I'll be a king, and you be a queen, and that's all.

(Tyrion tiptoes out of the kitchen, casually picking up Jon's dragonglass pipe on the way)

Daenerys: Look Jon, (she ducks out of his grasp and walks to the opposite counter before turning around to face him) I hear what you're saying, and I know that we've come a long way. I mean hey, we got over that whole you being my nephew thing didn't we? Still I just want to take things slow.

Jon rolls his eyes

Daenerys: (her face hardens) Look, do you think I'm just going to spread my legs for any guy that just comes over and says hey check me out I'm king of the north?!

Jon Snow:(looking at the floor sheepishly) No, I...

Daenerys: Do you think that I spent the night burning with a witch for these dragons just so you could show me your big "dire wolf"?!

Jon Snow: I'm sorry, I...

Daenerys: And do you think I sleep with smelly, boyish-looking, pony-tail wearing, whiny, broody wanna be kings that come down here and stare at me like I'm some kind of freakshow?!

Jon Snow: No, I'm so sorry I...

Daenerys: No I don't. I give them handjobs.

THE END.