Wow wow wow..... What an amazing read completely understandable also. I really relate to what you are saying I come from a pentecostal background and lost my faith a long time ago also. Mainly for different reasons something that had happened to me, and I just could not go back to the faith.
I recently write about it actually, tis a good thing you put up here because it shows good reasoning why you chose to take the path that you did. Since leaving the faith I have been able to explore my own spirituality more, I found better answers for myself, I was able to forgive myself and be at peace.