Hypocrisy is a fabulous thing!

commonguru (65)in #writing • 8 years ago

"I realized there was a dominant pattern in my life where the fear of not being good enough was directly related to my lack of action."

Hi my name is Jax and I’m a slob. (chime in… Hi Jax). I can see some of my friends nodding their heads. I always knew that I wasn’t a good housekeeper, but frankly I didn’t care. Well at least that’s what I told myself. Then a knowing twinge would let me know it did bother me. The twinges came and went; yet I did nothing. Not until I lived with my husband; a neat freak. Yes… a slob’s worse nightmare. I decided then and there that if there was to be harmony in our relationship we would have to compromise our positions and meet somewhere in the middle. I would work on my Hurricane Jax skills and he would just have to just lighten up.

Let me give you a little backstory. I met my handsome hubby at a self-help workshop at a remote location for both of us. By the end of the week I knew the man I met was the one for me. He was such a well-put together guy even in his simple workshop wear. That should have been my first clue. But I simply ignored that observation. Inside somewhere my intuition must whispered in my ear…. Yes!!! Yes he’s the one to help me with this issue… pick him! We then returned to our respective homes, mine three hours away and his in another country; now what. We started a long-distance relationship. We both were in a transitional time in our life and neither had our own place. This limited us in spending time together and seeing each other’s cleaning standards. Yet there were always little tells. Him asking to control the area my suitcase took over in the room or commenting on the amount of water I splashed on the back of the sink when I washed the dishes gave me a good idea of what I was getting into. I felt I was prepared to live with one of his ilk, but apparently I was not.

Unbeknownst to me, I enrolled myself into a form of slob rehab. Not because my hubby demanded it; it wasn’t like that at all. He simply lived by the standard that if you pick it up you clean it and put it away when you are done. Wow, I didn’t realize that people actually lived to that standard. I always felt there were degrees to that. I was better than some people I knew but I didn’t realize that wasn’t saying much. I had lived the training nightmare of being a mom of two young boys, and could never understand why they didn’t pick up after themselves; it couldn't be my example. I understood how frustrating it was to live with people who didn’t pick up after themselves because of my boys. I was so glad that I wasn’t like that anymore for I had cleaned up my act. I wanted to do better and I did. I was quite proud of what I had accomplished. People of my past came to visit me and they were quite impressed with my progress. I then began to become impressed with myself. What really bothered me was that my hubby didn’t share the same excitement; in fact he didn’t share it at all. I would hear these small comments and confess I didn’t handle them well. He tried a multitude of approaches, each getting gentler and gentler, and I would get offended at each comment. I argued my point that I had improved by pointing out my successes to him, but his opinion didn’t change and I was highly frustrated. He described me as a slob to two different people during a conversation. I couldn't believe I heard him correctly, did he actually say that out loud? Not only out loud but to a complete stranger? So much for him handling it as well as he said he did. I was tired of living with someone who didn’t appreciate me and all the things I did; yep I went there mentally. There was no way I was going to accept this about myself. Finally something had to be said and I told him what I thought. It didn’t go well. I wanted this to be about him and his impossible standards and not about me. I did not want to be accountable. I did not create this reality; so why would I want to live in a relationship where I didn’t feel good enough? Something had to change.

Things weren't good for my hubby either. He came to the same conclusion that he too didn’t handle the situation well. Something also had to change for him. He decided to change his approach. I had been talking to him about what I was learning from the Law of Attraction utterly unaware that he was listening; imagine that. I didn’t give him enough credit for that. Thankfully, this situation would confirm that the law works for us both. His approach would be that he would just focus on what he wanted. He wanted more harmony in our lives with this issue. Gone were the comments and innuendos and the judgement.

Then a light came on. I was earlier asking myself the hard question of why I wasn’t successful in my life. I started to look deep within to see what belief could be at the core of this blockage. A feeling came up, the feeling that I simply wasn’t good enough. Was that at the heart of this issue? Could the two things be connected? Could my feelings I felt with my hubby be a manifestation of this belief? The law states that we get what we think and feel about most of the time, and that it draws situations, people and experiences that give us that feeling. Was the feeling, I’m not good enough, felt so much to create this reality? I can tell you this feeling plagued me in different capacities with a variety of people, I just never made the connection. Am I living a reality based on that belief? It certainly was prevalent in our marriage and it was definitely interfering. Little did I know that the study of the Law of Attraction would bring me to a deeper study of myself.

My answer came in the most unexpected of ways. One day, as I was running a few errands on my way home from working at the cat shelter, I realized that I took a little longer than expected and I was really hungry. As I brought the groceries into the house, I walked by an unfinished project I left outside; potting soil to transplant a long overdue plant that needed potting. I finished bringing in the groceries and promptly went outside, filled up the pot with soil, and brought it in. Food was the main focus, so I quickly made some gravy to go over my leftover turkey and mashed potatoes. After the gravy was poured, I snuggled down on the couch to enjoy my lunch. I only planned on sitting down for fifteen minutes but I got into the movie I was watching and my shy cat cuddled up on my lap. I’d been working with him to do that so I didn’t want to discourage him. Needless to say an hour went by. I finally got up and took a quick look at the kitchen; it looked like a hurricane hit it. I stood frozen looking at the mess. The groceries were still on the freezer, and I didn’t even put the perishables away. On the counter stood the cat-food bowls with the dried on food stuck to the sides and the gravy pot with some drips drying on the counter. The flower pot with the soil was still sitting in the sink. I couldn't believe my eyes. How did this happen? I looked to see if there was any mess contributed by my hubby, but there was none. How could I have thought I was worthy of such high praise? The realization that I didn’t see the whole picture of my actions came crashing in. How many times did I act this way front of my hubby and not know? For if I did this when I was around him I could see what he meant. At that moment I saw what my hubby saw from his perspective; the truth, I was still a slob.

What do I do now? I saw what the problem was; I was being a hypocrite for I was talking the talk but I wasn’t walking the walk. Granted there were brief periods where I did clean up after myself, but they didn’t warrant the immense patting on the back I felt I deserved. The sobering thought resonated through my mind; what was the ratio between the “good stuff” versus the Hurricane Jax episodes? I honestly couldn’t tell you, but it wasn’t as much in favor of the “good stuff” as I once thought. It wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough, it was because I simply didn’t do it. So what did this have to do with my hubby and my slob rehab? Everything. The law is clear; you get what you think about most of the time and you are sent people, situations and experiences that produced that feeling. My hubby and this issue with the housekeeping was that experience. He was only a manifestation of what I was feeling about myself. I revamped my cleaning skills to the level where my walk met my talk and all the animosity disappeared; our house is now in harmony.

This is how the Common Guru came to be. I realized there was a dominant pattern in my life where the fear of not being good enough was directly related to my lack of action. The buck stopped here. How could I know if I was good enough to write to you if I didn’t even try? I can thank the Law of Attraction for showing me what poisonous thoughts blocked me from success. There is no guarantee this exact action will bring me what I always wanted financially, but unless I change things in my life, my life won’t change. I am facing my fear and that will be rewarded. Have any of you experienced something similar? Do you have someone in your life that just rubs you the wrong way with the way treat you? One of your core beliefs is at work here, and like me, could be what is holding you back. I would love to discuss that with you. Comment down below and together we can change your world, one belief at a time.