Unconsensual Love 你情我不愿的爱情，不一定没有结果

As love is in the air during the Chinese Valentine's Day, I am sharing with you the love story of my grandparents, which I am always longing for.

爱情，是一种很玄的东西，它既热情奔放，又含蓄内敛。它不仅是鲜衣怒马，陪你看尽烈焰繁花；更是素面白纱，陪你度过恬淡年华。

Love is mysterious. It is passionate, sometimes reserved as well. It enables you to experience the color and prosperity of the world and at the same time pulls you back to the simplicity and tranquility.

曾经，我没有办法理解和体会到父母以及祖辈对于爱的表达，直到自己面对爱情的时候，才知道，爱情，没有固定的表达方式，它不一定要一见钟情，更多的是细水长流。爱情，它有的只是属于两个人之间，简单又甜蜜的回忆。

Once I couldn’t understand how the elder generation express their love and affection. I do not know there is no set way to express love until I fall in love myself. It doesn’t have to be “love at first sight”, it is more of plain but long-term companion. The simple but sweet memory between two persons that matters in love.

我的爷爷奶奶，都是出生在新中国成立的那一年，那时候爷爷家里穷的揭不开锅。而且由于小时候生病没钱医治，导致头发脱落的严重，头上只剩下了周围一小圈头发。

My grandparents were both born in year 1949, when P.R.China was founded. My grandfather is so poor that he could not afford to go to the hospital, which caused sever hair loss due to the disease.

当时一直没有姑娘愿意嫁给爷爷，但是我的外太公居然亲自上门，愿意把自己的大女儿嫁给我爷爷。小时候我总是不理解为什么，但现在明白了，父母总是看的比较长远。奶奶年轻的时候，长得漂亮，所以不乏追求者。而且我外太公家里祖上又是知识分子，所以生活条件一直都很不错，这样的人家居然愿意把女儿嫁给我爷爷，绝对算得上是下嫁。

It was no surprise that no one would like to marry my grandpa because of his look and family situation then. Surprisingly, my great-grandfather came and said he would marry his eldest daughter to my grandpa. I could not understand why my great-grandfather made such a decision when I was little. Now I start to understand – parents tend to make decisions for long-term benefits. My grandma would never be worried about lacking admirers when she was young as she was so beautiful. She had always been living in a better condition as her family’s higher educational background. A woman like this was going to marry my grandpa, is like a noble woman marrying a humble man.

这个消息，对我爷爷来说，就是天上掉馅饼，并且还是个美味又养眼的馅饼，但对于我奶奶来说，这就是个晴天霹雳，据我爹妈的小道消息，当时奶奶是哭着出嫁的，她想反婚，但是在那个父母之命媒妁之言的年代，奶奶根本插不上话，被逼着嫁给了我爷爷。

This decision, to my grandpa, was like a gift from the God, but a bolt from the blue for my grandma. According to my parents, my grandma was crying on the day of her wedding. She wanted to quit the marriage, but in these years, she could find no way to make her voice heard. She was basically forced into marriage.

作为孙女，在我看来，爷爷真的是不错，除了外貌略有缺陷外，他勤劳，文化水平又高，对奶奶更是不错，但在所有的姑娘眼里，这些优点完全无法掩盖外貌上的缺点，就算是放到现在，大部分女生应该都无法接受。这场婚姻的开头，完全就是你情我不愿。

To me, except some defects of appearances, my grandpa is nothing but good. He was well educated and had taken good care of my grandma. But for most of the women back then-or even now, the defect of the appearance would be the one reason for their saying no to a man like my grandpa. This marriage started without consensual willingness.

婚后的生活，说实话，根本不是大家想象的言情小说那样狗血，来个大反转，奶奶跟着爷爷也着实吃了不少苦。但是爱情却也是在生活中慢慢积攒了起来，有时候，默默地付出总是能得到等价的回报；而无言的爱情，往往会比较长久。

The married life was not a romantic novel, of course. Although they had been living a hard life, love started to sprout. Sometimes silent giving would pay back, and silent love would last longer.

奶奶的文化水平不高，听不懂普通话，看不懂电视里面讲什么，爷爷就会在一边耐心的一点点用苏州话解释给她听。

My grandma, with little education, could not understand the mandarin in TV. My grandpa would interpret for her in Suzhou dialect.

每天早上，奶奶都会比爷爷早半个小时起床，准备早饭，然后去喊醒爷爷。有时候粥比较烫，奶奶会细心的盛两碗粥，凉着，生怕爷爷吃的时候太烫。

Every morning, grandma would get up half an hour earlier than grandpa to prepare the breakfast and then wake up grandpa. Sometimes the porridge is too hot. Grandma would pour two bowls to cool down, in case grandpa will hurt himself when eating.

奶奶有时出门在外，回家的比较晚，爷爷就会坐在楼下树荫下的石凳上，夏天就拿个蒲扇，静静的等着奶奶回家。冬天就捧个热水袋藏在怀里，等奶奶回来捂手。

Whenever grandma is out, grandpa would sit on the stone bench under the tree, holding a leaf fan in summer, or a hot water bag in winter, waiting for her to come back.

爷爷喜欢谈论时政，喜欢发表自己的观点，奶奶这时候就会静静地听着。虽然她听不明白爷爷在讲什么，但奶奶知道爷爷只是缺少一个听众，她需要的就是做好一个聆听者。

When grandpa is talking about politics, grandma would listen quietly. She does not understand, but she keeps listening, as she knows that all he needs is a listener.

奶奶从小没有接受过什么教育，所以爷爷总怕她一个人在外，不知道怎么回家，每次奶奶坐公交，爷爷都会默默地跟在后面，把奶奶送到目的地之后再一个人默默地回家，而奶奶也从来没有发现过。

Grandpa worries about grandma being out alone and could not make it home. He would follow her to the destination and then goes back home alone, unnoticed.

爷爷对奶奶的爱，永远都是细致入微，无处不在的。而奶奶也早已没有了当时的不情不愿。现在儿孙都已成家立业，他们俩也就开始尽情的享受二人世界。我三月份去香港的时候，爷爷会在私下嘱咐我，让我帮他挑选一只金镯子，一条金项链送给奶奶，要够大够漂亮，不能在其他老头老太面前“丢脸”。而奶奶在私下，也会让我安排一场夕阳红之旅，给爷爷准备一个大惊喜。她知道爷爷作为一个老党员，最大的愿望，就是去北京旅游。

The love of grandpa is meticulous. The unwillingness in her heart on the day when she married has long gone. Their children and grand children have all had their own families. Now they could have more time for themselves. Before my travel to Hongkong in this March, grandpa asked me to buy a gold bracelet and gold necklace for grandma. And from time to time grandma also would ask me to help arrange a trip for grandpa as a surprise. She knows the biggest wish of grandpa-as an old CPC member-was to visit Beijing.

很多时候，爱情和婚姻的开始，并不是完完全全的你情我愿，两个人之间，往往会因为误解，因为不了解，从此背道而驰。所以，我们要给自己互相了解彼此的机会，不然，或许你错过的这个人，就是你命中注定的那个人。

Love and marriage do not always start with consensual willingness. A couple is likely to go separate ways because of misunderstanding or lacking knowing each other. We need to give each other the chance to know and understand. Who can say that this person is not actually THE ONE for you?

在爱情里面，我们要坚定着不忘初心，方得始终的信念。因为初心易得，始终难守。

Follow your heart and you will be bestowed by love.

作者: @candiceji
译者: @veronicazhu