Diminutive Short Story Selection #5

My Dearest Pipa,

It's been so long since my friend brought me a description of your unrequitedness. How's it going?

How I long to requite you. If you take the time to write include your most intimate details. Nice hair.

Always Yours,
Paul I.V.

Dear Diary,

St. Andrew when will you bring me someone with eyes like Andrew!? All I get is letters from Paul. This Paul, that Paul. Is it wrong to pray for their death? The way I pray for mother's death. The way I almost pray for Kevin's. Never, never Kevin.

Pipa

"Sup feds," said Fred.

"I'm trying something new with my hair."

"That ain't new. Richard Pryor did that a long time ago. Ugly."

"Heehee. Ooowwww."

I read Kiss of the Spider Woman at 23. Glad I never had to sit by a man for that long.

50 gallon drum fired food is fairly common in China. It's one of those things I wish I ate more of. Yams, chestnuts, some vegetables. Support street life. Anthony Bordain can lick my sack.

"She's like sweaty fat."

"That's pretty fat."

"Still,.. not obese."

You can like Britney Spears and Korn and go to Berkeley where you can see Clint Black and Jennifer Lopez. But if you're going to go to Stanford.. you gotta like Manson.

My name is Earl, is true for a lot of people. That show did more for Buddhism than the Dalai Lama and all his bullshit ever did.

I'd burn a monk to see Jamie Pressly strip. Full nude.

"I wrote, Barnhart No Tiene Corazon, July, 1952."
Buck Owens