The Slacker's Guide to the Great Remission, Preface: The Economic Crisis Returns

Preface

The world has recently undergone one of the most devastating economic crises in history. Mankind around the world suffered greatly; forced to work long hours for meager pay, coerced into debts he could never repay while overbearing governments cracked the authoritarian whip across his back as the natural environment fell to an encroaching army of manufactured trash. Consumers, like little Pac-Man heads, chomped away at the substrate that supports all life, creating great rifts in the forests and oceans and atmosphere, killing off species unable to compete with the hairless apes.

The economic crisis peaked in the late summer of 2008 as gasoline approached $5/gallon. An engineered shortage of rice, the staple food for much of the world, created scarcity and impoverished the already poor. Lettuce was almost $2/head. Rents were in the stratosphere and the cost of concrete was at an all-time high.

Forget about buying a house. The payments on an average house in the US represented over 50 percent of an average family’s income, and that’s with both partners working full-time jobs. Building permits and all the regulations enacted by an obese government bloated with tax revenues made homeownership nearly impossible for the majority.

The more you worked, the further behind you got. Saving money was futile. Many lived on credit, increasing their stress and ruining their health as it increased their financial burden.

Wage slavery was at an apex. A pall of dust rose over China and circled the globe as the Chinese fell into indenture and churned their environment for pennies manufacturing junk to export to the decadent West.

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And then a miracle. Americans said “enough” and began to default on their mortgages. The financial crisis began to ease.

In September of that year, the greed of financial institutions began what appeared to be their demise. The Ponzi schemes of banks and investment houses began to topple like stacked dominoes. Speculators stampeded the exits. Those that still had assets quit lending.

Without credit, people began to cut back on their spending. Instead of buying that $600 barbeque, they cooked on the stove in their house. Instead of going out, they stayed home. Instead of driving around all weekend looking for something to do to ease the pain of their slavery, they visited their neighbors.

Freeway gridlock eased. Malls emptied. Many rats realized that they could never win the race and abandoned the futility of their spinning wheel to nowhere.

Manufacturers cut their output. Demand for oil dropped. Crude fell from over $150/barrel to less than $30. By the winter of 2008, gasoline fell to less than half of what it had been. Because oil prices crashed so did everything else. Food prices dropped. Instead of $1.69, lettuce was 69 cents/head. Down from $8, a whole chicken was under $4; instead of $1.99, tomatoes were 25 cents per pound.

With lower prices, people started saving again. With a slowing economy, people quit using their credit card for purchases they couldn’t afford. Along with the speculative profits, people abandoned their overpriced homes or settled for what they already had and stayed put. As their credit scores fell, many also defaulted on their credit cards, throwing off their chains of indebtedness.

Stores bloated with inventory, slashed prices. Many offered a 10 percent discount for the asking. The cost of building materials plummeted. Housing prices fell by half, and in a few places, you could purchase a house for under $10,000… and in Detroit, for a single dollar.

The environment benefited too. As the demand for lumber dwindled, deforestation of the boreal forests nearly stopped. The scream of the chainsaw was replaced by the bugle-call of the elk. As manufacturing slowed world wide, pollution decreased. Pristine tropical beaches slated for despoilment by yet another resort hotel remained idyllic. Farmland was spared as the encroachment of suburbia abruptly stopped. New roads into hinterlands dead-ended. Graded lots healed over with a green mantle of weeds. Like a cancer grown too big to sustain itself, the economy of destruction went into remission.

Meanwhile, 90 percent of all workers still had jobs. Tax revenues from speculative profits dried up forcing the government to cut back on its profligate spending.

Enforcement of unnecessary laws fell off. In prisons overcrowded with victimless criminals, non-violent offenders received early release. Instead of demanding overtime from already overworked employees, bloated government bureaucracies gave them every other Friday off, free time to do whatever they wanted.

Family members got more time to spend with each other. Instead of incarceration in daycare, more kids stayed home with their parents.

More people than ever before started vegetable gardens, many feeling the pulse of Earth for the first time.

The muted bell of freedom began to ring out once again in America. What had become the American nightmare was becoming a dream again. It was blessed deflation in an economic remission, something unseen in over 70 years.

To be continued...