This is how it’s going to be now.

So this is how it’s going to be now:

You should expect me to love you and I shall break your heart, again and again, and a few more times after that. I’m weird about the butterflies, the red roses, the 3 am calls. I have done all that before, and I can’t do that anymore. I can’t do this love thing anymore.

I look for something raw and blunt, honest, brutal if possible because for some reason my mind has been trained to equate love with aggression. I look for addiction because alcohol is not strong enough to keep me insane anymore. May be sedatives would work out? I look for a pair of scissors to cut myself so that together we may discover-Where did it exactly go wrong? I don’t look for a human being I have done that love thing. I am looking for an entire new world to cocoon myself in-A place beyond reality and imaginations, dreams and nightmares, I am looking for a home.

So this is how it’s going to be now:

I’ll be reckless and destructive, and I’ll give you a hard time while all you desperately try to do is tell me that you love me. I am going to hurl shards of my broken heart towards you and laugh when they hit you and make you bleed. I am going to challenge you like a ware wolf on a full moon night, I am going to turn into a monster and say “Do you still think you are in love with me?”

One day you’ll answer a no. One day you’ll tell me how disappointed and fed up you are with my complexities and my screw-ups. You’ll tell me you’re tired and you can’t do this: this love thing anymore. And that day I shall smile the I-knew-it-all-along-smile, collect the pieces of my heart, pack my soul and leave. This is how it’s going to be now.