I've been thinking about this one too. At the time I first read it I was in a hurry so I upvoted, but ever since then It's been on my mind. The reason is because I understand exactly this feeling of smoking so much during times of stress and with the full knowledge of how deadly it eventually it will be.

I think many smokers come to this realization at some point when smoking. I've blown through a pack of smokes in a night sitting under the moonlight with crickets chirping lost in my dark thoughts. In a way the smoke is like a tether to this world - it burns, it's real. It becomes painful. Only when the last one is smoked in the pack can one sleep having met the challenge to finish the pack. It's a mind game that is unhealthy but occupies the mind when it needs to be occupied in order to survive.

It's very morbid, no doubt, to see it as a temporary not-dying-today, but definitely later, kind of thinking. But it's so very true and something I suspect other people who smoked cigarettes can relate to.

Thank you @calluna for writing in such a way that really captures this.