Back in Europe, yet again
Now I'm not going to go deep on the implications and oversimplification of using the word "again" so much that my life seems to be on a loop lately and so far, this year has had no new experiences for me.
I'm not gonna go there because it's far more complicated than that and it not only speaks about that intrinsec loop behind ones actions and at the same time, it's a bit more complicated. After all, it's one's life, not a bag of chips.
The point is, 2019, while being an ok year for me with literally no major negative experiences, setbacks or problems whatsoever, it also hasn't been a challenging one. I haven't put myself to the test this year, not a single time - except if you count stopping smoking and excercising daily - I've fallen out of my comfort zone or felt like I needed too go the extra mile to achieve something.
Truth is, getting older and more experienced has a lot of influence on feeling like this. A few years ago, at least five or six things/moments/situations I've lived this year would have stressed me out, gotten me out of my comfort zone and represented a huge challenge.
Today, those things are just another experience.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm above stress or nothing represents a challenge for me. I'm not under a delusional belief that I mastered life experiences and I cracked the secret to make every zone a comforting one.
But one thing is certain, few firsts are left for me.
And the real problem is, I love firsts. In fact I crave them. I miss those stomach butterflies when you're about to do something new; I want to feel again the pre-stress you get when you're about to head into the unknown. You know that feeling you get in the first day in a new school or how your body feels when you're about to jump from a plane for the first time?
That thrill your body and mind feel, the absolute state and mindset of uncertainty your brain experiences the few moments before starting something you've never done before, it doesn't matter if it's going to a boys and girls party or heading by yourself to a country where you don't speak the language and you don't know anyone else.
For me it's simple. Repetition is boring. But not repetition in what we do, but repetition in how we feel about it. Feeling you're in a loop is one hundred times worse than being in a loop but not noticing you're there.
You see, it's not what or how you do it, but how you feel about it when doing it, what gives you the chills, imposes the thrills and brings in the butterflies.
I'm in northern Europe again. In a country I don't speak the language. Staying with someone I met before and had a thing before. Wanting to travel Europe the backpack style. Writing on Steem as much as I can. No money problems but no room for luxuries. No reasons to worry but also no challenge in what I'm doing.
Hell, this might as well be November 2017 and I wouldn't notice it.
The difference is, back then all of this was new. All of it.
Now, it just feels like a cheap knock off. Or maybe like when you watch a TV show you used to love while growing up and now, you realize the graphics were crap, it had a lot of nonsense and all the magic it made you feel is not there anymore. Like meeting a crush.
Have you ever met a crush in real life? It's usually disappointing. You build up so much around this person and give them traits they don't have, idealising them and the potential relationship you could achieve with them if the world was pink and everything went as you want it to.
Now I'm not saying I'm disappointed in where I am right now. It's not just what I expected at all. But the truth is, I don't know what I expected. Perhaps I was waiting to feel excited and looking forward to this new mini adventure but now that I'm living it, it doesn't feel like and adventure at all, it's more like a dull tramit, a government paperwork you have to go through before getting the god stuff.
So now, and for the past three months, I've been on a loop and I'm just realizing it right now.
I'm not sure what's next, but I have a few ideas.
I got my signs back in the Caribbean, I know why I'm in Europe. What I don't know is what for.
But hey...
I'm back in Europe, yet again.
It's called experience and aging, I guess. As we age... the more we age... the more we have authentically done it before, whatever "*it" might be. And so the chances that it feels like we're on repeat, even when we thought we were going in a new direction, gets bigger and bigger. Is that a bad thing?
Probably not. The challenge is to find ways to see what we already know through fresh eyes. Like a movie you see for a second time... and realize that you missed a whole bunch of stuff on the first viewing.
=^..^=
I dont think its a bad thing, it´s just probably how life is after alll, perhaps all we need to do is start adapting and getting used to how it works.
I liked that movie analogy, never thought it that way but you are right! :D
Freewriters can help a lot to clear the mind.. I can't say I understand how you're feeling, yet I do know what you mean.. That beach and water in your picture, I crave being in a place like that lol.. One day.. haha..
If you're planning on coming to Budapest, please do let me know! The weather is good here at the moment, so might be nice to pay Budapest a visit ;)
If you ever thave the chance, pick the Nicaraguan Caribbean or the Hondurian one. Its incredibly cheap, beautiful and in general, a total paradise.
For sure, Eastern Europe is on my mind right now, if I ever go to HungaryI will definitely let you know :)))
I have a lot of experiences that has been going on but because of those I cannot seem to have a time to write about it. Anyway, there will always be times in our lives that we are seem to be on loop. It might get dull and boring but then it will never be like that "always".
My 2019 on the other hand is pretty challenging to the point that I broke down a lot. I also ended up confused but then there are also times that I get happy, excited, and amazed by the people that I have met.
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It would be cool to read about those adventures! If you ever decide to write about them (I saw the first day at school one) drop me some links! :)
That 2019 possible outcome sounds amazing, I wish you an amazing lucky path!
Even though adventure would seem like something opposite to repetition, but I guess even an adventure has a hidden pattern that is revealed with enough experience.
All the way up here, you say? If you by chance end up around Helsinki, let me know, since I live 30 minutes away from there. Maybe even a small meetup could be done then, perhaps? Possibly? :D
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So... where in northern europe?
I can't imagine you've seen it all and been everywhere and experienced it all... even if you've bene there before.
Even if you visit the small countries, there is bound to be a world of undiscovered treasures if you go off the well trodden path!
Sweden at the moment! And no, I haven´t seen and been everywhere and everything, but I can´t help to feel like this particular moment, is on rewind and I already lived it.
I´m really looking forward to go to Eastern europe, that would be something new in my books :) I hope I can make it soon.
Go to Prague if you haven't yet! It's the undiscovered pearl of Europe. And they have the best beer (beating out the germans even)
Otherwise Istanbul is very nice to visit at some point too, but that's kind of stretching the concept of Eastern europe a bit perhaps
Cool read. I can totally relate to some of these ideas. Btw too bad you left Playa before we could meet. But we will be coming back to Europe too, probably in August so maybe will stumble on each other somewhere some time :) Stafe safe and enjoy your new adventure Eric.
Saludos desde Yucatán.
Hey man! Yeah, Im sorry i didnt let you guys know about it, it was a sudden move, first I went to MExico city too fast and then i came to Sweden in just a glimpse, maybe a bit too rushed.
Definitely, let me know where you guys are when you get here, perhaps im still here :D
the good part to all of this....you are realizing it and drawing conclusions...what most people are lacking ..
actions will follow soon enough there dude, when you are fed up with it (and when in switzerland...lemme know oke)
I think some people say thats half the path right? Being able to recognize it and start doing something about it right?
Switzerland? Mhh, I would need to start making $100 dollar posts to be able to pay my way around Switzerland! Better if you let me know when you go to a cheaper country and I´ll meet you there :P
exactly...acknowledgement of the issue (actions will always follow later on, when you are ready for it)
hahahah, yeah getting your ass in Swiss here is only a good thing when actually having a Swiss salary along with it, or Steem needs to moon ASAP to get it done hahahah :D
When are we gonna see some posts with you in America, going nuts to butts and making everyone just absolutely sodden with moisture? That's the god damn post I want to see.
I already got my Visa a few weeks ago, so that may be sooner than expected. What US area are you based?
Oh, nice! I'm in the midwest, specifically Ohio. So, if you like cornfields, heroin, swamplands and more cornfields, you should definitely stop on over to Ohio!
I was just going to say.. WTF is this in Europe and why am I not there?
Lol If that was in Europe everywhere would be desserted right? Good to hear from you man, hope the UK is not do rainy these days. Thanks for dropping by!
Perspective is so interesting. The things you talk about that give you a thrill just give me fear. In that sense it would sound like growing older is easier for an anxious person, with less scary firsts. But nope, I guess life is not easy all the time for anybody. Like you said, it is all about how you feel, so I hope you can rope your mind into feeling excited again soon.