Writing distractions being gone in prison

You know...I often quipped that if I go to prison I’ll write a book. Thus implying I’ll have nothing else to do, all my distractions taken away from me, and that going to prison wouldn’t really be so bad. I now think, as I refill my wine, that it’d be much more like being forced to write a book as a Mormon might: no coffee, no wine, no weed, no matcha, no kratom, no draws on a pipe or pipe tobacco cigarettes, multiplied by all the other creature comforts Mormons DO enjoy.

Mormons don’t ban dogs, they don't ban tortilla snacks, glasses of cold water on demand, the touch of a woman if you’re married (you know what I meant by "touch"), or even sunset walks through the juniper trees. I'm not down to give up my wine or caffeinated tea anytime soon, but comparatively...Mormonism is a bit of a breeze next to prison.

Imagine having NONE of those Mormon no-nos, plus the nagging fear of anal rape, forced time away from friends and family, and general lack of do-what-you-want-cause-you-can. Yeah. These places the government kidnaps people and puts them in are rather terrible the more you contemplate them. Not to mention the assumed lack of decent booze.

The more and more I DO think about it, the more I realize I’d prefer not to go to prison and write a book. I’d prefer to do it out here... in the free world. The world of cream cheese, the touch of a woman, candles, Baloo having a weird dream on the floor, that annoying bee buzzing around, and a solo cup of red wine next to my laptop.

Postscript

No hate here Mormons. Love you guys. Thoughts of Mormonism were merely the first to come to mind while imagining the plight of a vice-lover. I still think sugar should be one of the addictive things on your list to stay away from though, if physical addiction is what it's all about.