Girls Hate Wrestling [012]

GIRLS HATE WRESTLING [012 | Summer Slam Wrap-up]

 Girls Hate Wrestling is a blog run by a girl, who in fact, loves pro-wrestling. This was originally an idea for a youtube series with my best friend, but that never happened. Now it's going to be a blog, possibly some videos, of me channeling my love of a testosterone fueled soap opera of greased up men in underwear battling to lay on top of each other for 3 seconds... sometimes for a belt.

This post is roughly a week late, but I've been dealing with a crazy brain. This is going to be a relatively quick write up, not so in depth with the matches as I have been in the past. This is all directly related to the crazy brain and my inability to focus on anything lately. It was also Summer Slam, so I had a few buddies over, including two who've never watched wrestling, and I drank alone throughout the night.
[DING DING DING]


Summer Slam was a Raw and Smackdown ppv for WWE that happened in Brooklyn, New York at the Barclays Center on August 20 2017. We had EIGHT titles on the line.

Kick-off Show
Six-Man Tag Match
The Hardy Boyz and Jason Jordan vs The Miztourage

I was a bit confused as to why The Miz wasn't defending the IC Championship at Summer Slam but we'll roll with this. They're trying to build some heat between the Miz and Jordan and The Hardyz are great for helping get the Miztourage over... they sure need it. This match went back and forth. Hardyz and Jordan on the offense, then Jeff gets dumped by the Tourage. Matt tags in to try and save things and Jordan tags in to hit some suplexes but not before Miz catches him in a Skull-Crushing Finale to gain the pinfall win.

Kick-off show
Cruiserweight Championship
Akira Tozawa vs Neville

Neville was a little salty about losing his title and was out for revenge. Tozawa basically pulled out everything in his arsenal to keep the King of the Cruiserweights down, but the injured left arm was a target or Neville. Tozawa hit him with kicks, chops, octopus submission, and tried for his massive top-rope senton, but Neville had him scouted and rolled out of the way, leaving Tozawa to eat the canvas. Neville hits a damn good lookin' Red Arrow to reclaim his championship.

Kick-off Show
Smackdown Tag Team Championships
The New Days vs The Usos

Okaay, okay... okaaaaaay. I'll give these dudes credit on this one. This was the most entertained with in-ring bouts between these tag teams I've been. Period. This should not have been a kick-off match. Damn good wrestling.  The Usos essentially tried to make tags impossible for The New Day. Xavier was isolated in the ring for most of the match while one Usos kept Big E out of the picture and ensured Kofi wasn't into shenanigans at ringside. Usos end up winning to become the first ever, two-time Smackdown Tag Champs.

Main Event
Singles Match
John Cena vs Baron Corbin

THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A KICK OFF MATCH. No one cared. Two big dudes throwing each other around with no storyline or premise. Cena got beat by Nakamura for the No. 1 Contender and Baron unsuccessfully cashed in MITB. This was stupid. Baron hit a sloppy ass Chokeslam backbreaker and Cena did his normal bullshit signatures into finisher.

Smackdown Women's Championship
Naomi vs Natalya

These ladies went back and forth. Naomi was definitely a fighting champ. Natty also definitely deserved this championship. Natty went right to work on Naomi, focusing attacks on the legs. Natty had to attempt the Sharpshooter more than once, but after Naomi came off a mooonsault to Natty's knees up, it was all over. Sharpshooter, tap, new champ.

Singles Match
Big Cass vs Big Show with Enzo Amore in a Shark Cage

So Enzo is in a shark cage, Big Show has a broken hand and nothing is wrong with Cass. I feel like it's pretty clear who wins from the get go. Enzo is some legit shit backstage and this was punishment and they gotta get Cass over as a heel. Cass basically dominates over Show and his broken hand the entire match until Enzo decides to interfere. He strips down and oils himself up until he can squeeze through the shark cage. He drops down and takes a boot to the face from Cass, and then Big Show loses.

Singles Match
Randy Orton vs Rusev

Rusev attacks Orton during his entrance and they got scuffling about outside the ring. Tosses into barricades powerslams, ect. They get back into the ring and the ref gets Orton to his feet and calls for the bell. RKO OUTTA FUCKING  NO WHERE for a SIX SECOND SUMMERSLAM MATCH.

Raw Women's Championship Match
Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss

Bliss came out of the gate at full force to retain her title but she forgot she was going up against the Boss. Alexa attempted nearly everything she could get away with, dirty or clean, but still Sasha was fighting it all off. Sasha gained some momentum after being assaulted most of the match, some double knees, and bank statements all around. Alexa throws a temper tantrum and Sasha takes advantage to make her a FOUR TIME CHAMP.

Singles Match
"The Demon" Finn Balor vs self-proclaimed "The God" Bray Wyatt

Bray Wyatt had taken the cake for ultimate creepo as of late in WWE... until we got Finn. Wyatt had set the stage with boring, twisted mind game promos for entirely too long against everyone and it was no different with Finn. Finn immediately took control of this match, fueled by a fire ignited Monday night on RAW. Bray manages a nice offense outside the ring for a minute, but Finn had control of this entire match. Can't keep down the Demon King.

Raw Tag Team Championship
Cesaro and Sheamus vs Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose

Cesaro and Sheamus have been GREAT tag champs likable enough to be face, but scummy enough to be heel. What a powerhouse duo... But they were put up against 2/3 of what is claimed to be one of the greatest factions of this generation. Seth and Dean weren't on the same page since Authority broke up, but those two on the same team in the same ring can do some damage. Cesaro and Sheamus spent the majority of the match trying to keep one in the ring and the other knocked out on the outside. This strategy worked for the most part but the Shield Bros bounced back to life to save each other and manage to wrap their hands on the tag team titles.

The United States Championship with Special Guest Referee Shane McMahon
AJ Styles vs Kevin Owens

This title has gone back and forth between these two SO MANY TIMES. AJ Styles is one of the best in the world, and Kevin Owens is a giant Canadian baby. This match had so much fuckery and it was completely expected. Guest ref with a history with both competitors. KO went for a bunch of cheap shots, Shane has to tear the two off of each other. Shane's getting hit accidentally, they're both fighting Shane's ref decisions, physicality ensues between wrestlers and Shane. SHIT'S CRAZY! Shane counts a 3 for KO, but calls it off as he sees AJ's got the bottom rope, KO is furious and he ends up trying to fight Shane and walks right into a Styles Clash.

WWE Championship
Jinder Mahal vs Shinsuke Nakamura

WE GOT SCREWED. NO ONE likes Jinder and his bullshit title reign, so of course Nakamura loses. And it's not like Jinder even fights on his own. He can't retain the damn title without the little Singh Bros. Nakamura ended up whooping Jinder's ass and had the title in his hands until the Singh bros fucked with him on the apron, allowing Jinder some recovery time to put away Nakamura, for yet another shady win to retain.

Universal Championship Fatal 4-Way
Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns vs Samoa Joe vs Braun Strowman

This was a HELL of a match. Goddamn. I am pissed at the outcome, so insanely frustrated, but HELL OF A MATCH. This was just four big dudes all tossing each other around like rag dolls. Spears, Coquina Clutch, Suplex, Chokeslam, Superman Punch, F5, Clotheslines, MASSIVE BUMPS. We had guys flying through barricades, eating shit on the outside, back first into the apron. Braun put Brock through two announce tables and dumped the third on top of him, resulting in the champ being stretchered out for 5+ minutes to recoup backstage only to come back out and pick up the pieces of the destruction caused while he was sipping water in gorilla. So Brock comes back out and retains his damn title.
[DING DING DING]

So that's a brief Summer Slam wrap up.
In other wrestling news from this week:
Enzo and Cass had a street-fight on Raw the next day and Cass is legitimately injured with a torn ACL with possible other knee injuries and will be out for about nine months. Enzo has debuted on 205Live smacktalking Neville because apparently the certified G isn't super liked backstage at the moment and this seems like punishment or they've ran out of things for him to do without Cass.

Asuka retained her undefeated NXT Women's championship at TakeOver Brooklyn, but suffered a legit collarbone injury and had to relinquish her title. Rumor is she is already talking with GMs of main roster for a post-injury comeback.


And guys, I'm really sorry about my lack of content for GHW. I love wrestling, I love everything about it. My brain however does not love me, and makes enjoying things, even the things I love, hard to care about. Things are changing so hopefully I bounce back and can focus on my obsession again, in a proper way. Stay tuned and don't be a Jabroni!