" i find content in my assuming everything is shit and fucked"
As you think, so shall you be - wasn't coined as a saying for nothing. If you expect it, you'll more than likely get it. As far as reality, that's subjective from person to person. Eat 11 grams of dried magic mushrooms and talk to me again about your ideas of reality afterwards ;-) I assure you, reality is far from what we think or perceive it to be. Our perception of reality is extremely myopic.