Goofing Off At Work

pixzelplethora (41)in #work • 7 years ago

There are many ways workers on a job decide to waste their valuable time. Here is a list of some ways employees avoid their given work responsibilities:

Hiding - Yes that's right, some wily employees find remote places within an office / work area to remain out of site of management. They wait in the shadows to be "discovered" looking for a "missing part" or "paper work". No one is the wiser as their disappearance was more than 10 minutes but less than the half an hour it takes to be properly missed.

Sleeping - Although this is a formidable achievement, one, with some cunning, can pull this off. It is helpful if one keeps many pieces of debris, old cardboard boxes and heavy office equipment around one's desk / work area to block the view of passers-by. Have several machines running at a time to cover the noise of yourself snoring. Sit back with a cool drink, close your eyes and get at least five minutes of well-deserved sleep. Your work will get done eventually. If you have access to a large warehouse, tell everyone in the building to stay away from the ladder you use to climb to the highest shelf to avoid falling tools and parts. It is prudent to have "pre-deployed" some soft packing material to lie on and some bubble wrap on which to lay your tired head. Enjoy your snooze. Always bring an ipod playing banging metal noises loud enough for all to hear. "Wow, he's really busy up there!", they will say from way down on the ground where they can't see you directly.

Talking - One of the oldest tricks in the books, to avoid actual work, is to start a conversation with a member of management, get them talking about themselves and then let them go on and on for twenty minutes or so. This may fail as a time wasting plot if too many employees gather around the manager to "listen to the engrossing story" they are telling. The manager will notice too many wage-earners standing around doing nothing and disperse the crowd, telling them to "get back to work". They were recede down-faced and depressed that they must actually accomplish the tasks they were hired by the company to do.

Fire Drills - Only work for companies that practice fire drills often; preferably ones that have unusually high turnover, as they will constantly be training new employees on safety procedures. Find a company with shade trees to sit under while the fire drills commence. Make sure the employee count of the company is high enough that it takes a few minutes to do a head count during the drill. This will give you enough time to really relax and catch some nice cool breezes, maybe have a snack. Note: This is not the correct time to sneak a nap. There will be too many witnesses standing around for this. These are your co-workers, not your friends, they will rat you out if they see you have fallen asleep under your shady tree during the fire drill. This may alert management to your other work avoidance schemes.

Long Lunches - Depending on the structure of discipline procedures in your company (or lack there of) some people think up elaborate excuses as to why they were forty-five minutes later coming back from Lunch. A true pro at avoiding work will have a notebook full of tried and true excuses ready to roll at a moment's notice. "I got pulled over and the cop made me go through everything in my backseat and trunk". Or "There was a once-in-a-lifetime road crossing of whole tribes of Bigfoot making their annual migration. No I didn't get any pictures with my cell phone because right at that moment it stopped working, froze up and I had to reboot it. By the time it came back on, the whole thing was over". "I stopped to get gas at the cheapest place I could find and there was water in it" It took twenty minutes for the water to evaporate and I had to siphon the gas by mouth in several convenience store beverage cups" among other excuses. This idea can only be pulled off once in a while as too much of this kind of thing will raise alarm bells (unless management turns over more than employees do).